To New Beginnings
by Writ97
Summary: Jamie moves to Castle Rock to live with her grandmother in the hopes of starting a new life but the past has a way of catching up with you. She realizes how hard it can be to move on from the past. However she finds love in places unimaginable and friendships that will be kept for a lifetime. Will she finally be free and happy?
1. Welcome To Castle Rock

"Suitcases? Check. Bag? Check. Said goodbye? No check," I looked sadly at Dallas whose eyes were already shining with tears. Dallas pulled me into a hug and squeezed me tightly. She sobbed, "Don't forget me okay? I love you so much Jay," I would miss her calling my Jay even though my name was Jamie. Jay sort of stuck. I gave her a tight squeeze and buried my head in her shoulder as I whispered, "Thank you for being my only friend Dal. I'm going to miss you too." I pulled back and plastered a smile on my face as I wiped my eyes. Inside I was breaking. Dallas Bailey had really been my only friend in Fairhaven because she wasn't fake or mean like the other girls I'd slowly distanced myself from. She understood me and she actually cared about me which made me feel visible. "Hasn't John come to say goodbye?" She asked wiping her tears off her face. John was my ex-boyfriend and another relationship of mine that ended badly. I don't want to go into it other than I hate him.

I shrugged, "It doesn't matter. I don't care. Besides the only person I needed to say goodbye to was you." With that she pulled me into an even tighter embrace and we stood there for about ten seconds. We both pulled back as she sniffled, "After everything you've been through…" She shook her head, "Take care of yourself Jamie okay."

I promised, "I will and I'll come see you soon. At least once. I'll write too. We won't lose touch. I won't allow it."

"Neither will I," She slightly smiled. I started to get into my car and closed the door. For a moment, I looked back at the house I'd lived in for three years and felt very privileged that I was finally leaving hell's very own home. A lot of bad memories cropped up which I swiftly pushed to back of my mind but they, unfortunately, will always remain. I started the car and looked hopefully at Dallas as I waved her goodbye. I drove off down the street and sighed with relief. "Let's go," I whispered to myself as I turned the corner. Dallas was the only person I would miss but otherwise goodbye Fairhaven and good riddance!

The journey was long but it was sort of therapy for me in a way. I was in my black Mercury Comet which was my baby. My pride and joy and my only source of escape for when times got rough. When something bad occurred I would jump into my car and drive the pain away. Nothing felt better. The wind was gently whipping through my hair as the sound of music and peace filled my ears. Paradise. The roads were mainly quiet along the way. From what I'd read, Castle Rock, the town I was moving to, was a small town with a small population of 1,284 people which was exactly what I needed right now. Just peace.

I stopped at a sign that read 'Castle Rock' and stared at it. I was wondering how my life was going to change as soon as I crossed the sign and drove into my new environment. The reason I'm moving here is because I have no family left. My grandma Jane lives here and offered to take me in which I was very grateful for otherwise I'd end up in one of those dreaded orphan inches eating gruel and sleeping on thin mattresses. I took a deep breath and continued to drive into Castle Rock. As I drove through the streets, people who were mindlessly strolling through the streets were awoken by my presence. Maybe this town didn't get many visitors. I awkwardly met with some of their gazes and then started to drive faster to find Fenway View- the street my grandmother lives on. Eventually I did and drove slowly down Fenway to find house number 7. Right on the end of the road stood a white two storey house with a small staircase that led to an upstairs deck that went all the way around the house and by the door was swinging chair that I could see myself relaxing on watching the world go by reading a good old book. The door was painted white with a silver sign that was gleaming in the sunlight that read 7. The lawn was mowed with small daisies peering out of the ground. Joined to the house was as small garage with a drive way that led up to it. I gazed up at the house completely satisfied with it. I think I might like it here. But then again, anywhere was better then Fairhaven. Anywhere. I got out of my car and walked up the five stairs and little path to the front the door. I knocked it five times rapidly. I could hear footsteps and a cheerful sound on the inside. The door was threw open as my grandma gleefully welcomed me with a hug, "Oh Jamie honey I've missed you so much! Let me have look at you," she pushed me back gently with her hands on my shoulders, gave me a once over and cheerfully hugged me again, "You've grown into a beautiful young women." I hugged her and finally got a word in, "It's good to see you to grandma. In fact it's great." I squeezed her. I already felt at home. We both pulled back, "Come on let's get your bags in." She started down the stairs and started to lift one of my two suitcases out of the car. "No grandma I'll take them please you take my bag." The bag was light only carrying a few toiletries, money and a notebook. She asked, "Okay dear will you be alright taking those suitcases in?"

"Yes grandma there not that heavy," I lifted them and slammed them to the ground gripping my knees and breathing heavily.

Grandma asked, "You okay dear?"

I put a thumb up with a fake smile, "Fine. Fine." Then when grandma went in I breathed heavily. Eventually I carried them in one at a time. After that my grandma opened her empty garage and I parked my car in there for safety. I wouldn't let anything happen to my baby.

Grandma wondered around her kitchen cabinets asking "Are you hungry honey?"

"No grandma I stopped for food along the way about an hour ago so I'm fine thank you," I smiled but I was really starving. I didn't stop for food because I wasn't hungry but now I would even eat mud. Grandma ignored me and said with a serious face "Oh dear I'm making you something. An hour was a very long time ago and besides you need to fatten up." I laughed gently and went over to hug her, "Thank you for taking me in." I pulled back.

She stroked my cheek, "My little trooper. After everything that has happened you still manage to smile. Just like your mother," She started to drift off as a tear escaped her eye. She wiped it away with her finger and then said "Go freshen up. Your room is the right at the end of the hall dear."

"Thanks grandma," I wiped the tear that escaped my eye and walked up the staircase to my room. I walked to end of the hall and turned the corner and came to the door. I opened it. My eyes lit up when I saw another door leading to the balcony. I went towards it immediately and threw the door open and the view is beautiful. Even better! The mountains were very very very far off in the distance on the other side of Oregon overlooking the whole of Oregon. The tree in all their beauty that towered the small town were rich and full with green leaves. I could see little kids playing in the streets just before the small bit of open grassland that lay behind grandma's house. It was good to see freedom. I close the doors and start to wonder about my new room. The bed was against the wall opposite the balcony door and was covered in fresh new sheets. Right next to the bed was a dark mahogany set of draws with a lamp placed on top. Oh how I need to sleep. The walls were decorated with cream wallpaper and a mirror attached to a dresser opposite the bed against the wall. Next to the balcony doors was a dark mahogany wardrobe. All of this seemed really new. Like the room had just been decorated which I would be speaking to grandmother about. I didn't want her spending loads of money on me but I was grateful. I was grateful for the fresh start that she gave me. I plopped myself down on the bed and sighed happily, "Welcome to Castle Rock Jamie."


	2. Fresh Starts Together

I awoke the next day from a long relaxing slumber after unpacking every last bit of my luggage. At first I was squinting because the sun was literally blinding me. The golden ball of light had a cast a small path along the wooden floor. For me that signalled hope of this being a great day. I stretched and jumped happily out of bed. Already children were outside playing games and enjoying every last bit of summer left before school started. School! Oh crap I totally forgot about school! I spun around and ran my hands through my hair and then I sighed as I turned to stare at the kids who were having fun without a care in the world. It was then I decided that I was not going to even think about school and enjoy every last bit of summer that was left for me though I would hardly call this the end of summer for it was more like the beginning for me. Finally there were no troubles or worries and I could roam around town as free as a bird where nobody knows me. That was the best part of living in a new town, nobody knows you or your past. I got ready for a new day and went downstairs.

Grandma placed a plate with a stack of pancakes on the table, "Did you have a nice sleep darling?" I stared at the pancakes for a second and my mother's face flashed before my eyes. It seems every little thing was bringing back memories of her. Pancakes was one of them.

**July 21****st**** 1961 – Jamie's 14****th**** Birthday **

_**My mother warned, "Close your eyes. No peeking!" **_

_**I smiled, "I can smell the pancakes from here mother."**_

_**My mother sighed, "Okay you can open your eyes."**_

_**I looked up at my mom and hugged her, "My favourite. Thanks mom!"**_

"_**You could have at least tried to act surprised," She laughed.**_

_**I said loudly with a lot surprise in my voice, "Wow mom thank you so much!" I hugged her tightly. **_

"_**Yeah yeah," She rolled her eyes as I sat down to eat. I dug into my pancakes relishing in their tastiness as I constantly gave my mom a thumbs up signalling how good they were.**_

"_**You wait! The day's not over yet and I have more surprises in store for you missy," She smiled mischievously. I'd finally finished and picked up my bag to leave for school after kissing my mother on the head as I teased, "I shall expect to be surprised as long as the surprises don't smell." I ran as she playfully shoved me and I shouted from the door, "See you mom!" **_

_**She said through her laughter, "Bye honey. I love you!" **_

**Present Day- August 21****st**** 1963 **

The sound of my mother's laughter echoed through my ears and my tears were trying to force their way out. Luckily, I was able to remain calm and composed and smiled at my grandmother, "Thank you. My favourite!" I sat down to eat with my grandma.

Grandma replied, "I know. I remember your moth-." She turned her head the other way so I couldn't read her expression but I knew how she felt. I felt the exact same way. I put down the knife and fork and gripped my grandmother shoulder lightly, "It's okay."

Grandma turned to face me abruptly, "Hmmm?"

I repeated, "Its okay." She didn't say anything. "It's okay to grieve in front of me grandma. There's no point trying to hide it because I'll still feel that same loss you do every single day. We can get through this together and that started with me moving here."

She stared at me with a small smile peering onto her lips and whispered, "You're just like her. She was a good women. Don't you forget that."

I grabbed her hand and squeezed gently as I promised, "I won't ever forget that. She gave me life that was in every bit special. I love her for that even more." The tears that I had successfully held back were starting to fall. I whispered, "I miss her every day." My grandma pulled me into a hug and cried, "I know darling. I know." We both wiped our tears and laughed gently. Grandma sighed, "She would've hated seeing us two like this now."

"Then let's honour her and fulfil her wishes," I smiled.

"Yes. We'll get through this together." "Now you can go explore Castle Rock while I finish knitting the sweater for the McCarthy's down the road," She said getting up out of her seat.

I started walk out of the kitchen before turning back to say, "I love you grandma."

"I love you to dear. Very much," She smiled and I headed towards the door. "Take care out there," She called.

I promised "I will!"

As I strolled down the streets of Castle Rock, I came across a diner. Lord knows how I ended up here considering I had no idea where I was going at first. An hour ago I thought I was heading all the way back to Fairhaven. The unlit dark blue sign read 'Blue Point Diner' and I walked in. In the diner sat a lot of young people who I was eager to make friends with. I figured if I'm staying here I might as well make some friends especially before school started so I didn't look like a complete loner. People stared at me and others just gawked. Okay this town really didn't get visitors or new comers. I was this close to turning around and walking out but I sucked it up. This Jamie Danvers was not going to be kicked around by anyone and she sure as hell wasn't going to take any bullshit especially from stuck up snobby snots also known as popular girls. Every school had a group of stuck up snobbish snots who were popular so why would Castle Rock be any different? And much to my expectations it wasn't any different. Already I had identified the two-face airheads who were sat at a table across the diner peering up to look at me then crowding to giggle. Oh those stupid girlish giggles sounded like alarm bells ringing in my ears. Why boys found that cute was mystery to me. I was sat at the bar and I ordered milkshake. Vanilla- my favourite. I had the right mind to go ask those girl what their problem was because I could still hear the stupid giggles. Fifteen minutes passed. That's it. I rapidly whizzed around to face the girls who suddenly stopped laughing and instead were glaring at me. I felt victorious and turned back around hoping my menacing glare had scared them away. I felt someone tap my arm. I looked up to a boy who had dirty blond hair and a cigarette which was held between his lips. He was wearing an open buttoned shirt revealing a plain white vest with pale blue jeans. His eyes were soft and the smirk on his lips was an indication that he was trying to pursue me. I turned to the girls who were all giving me evils and daggers. I'm guessing he was someone kind of James Dean around here. However, I knew this kind of guy all too well. He held his hand out and spoke, "I'm Ace Merrill. What's your name?"


	3. So Much For A New Beginning!

**EDITED A LITTLE BIT GUYS BECAUSE IT WAS RUSHED! THANK YOU FOR READING!**

I looked at the boy who had just introduced himself to me up and down and replied, "Well Ace Merrill I think your fan club of girls over there is not too pleased that you're speaking to me." Ace glanced over to the group of girls who were gawking at us. "Oh them. Well what can I say the ladies love me," He winked. I scoffed at his vanity, "Someone blows his trumpet a little too much."

He joked, "Sooner or later you'll be the head of that fan club."

I scoffed again, "Wow, that's a good one. You do realize we've just me and you're already flirting with me."

He replied making me blush, "You're so pretty so I thought why not?" He added seriously, "I've never seen you around here before."

It's about time I started to make some friends however I think those chumps across the room who were giggling hysterically ever since I entered the diner were not my idea of friends. I hope everyone around here isn't like that but Ace seemed nice, a flirt, but nice. I sighed, "That's because I've never been around here before," I twisted my chair so my whole body faced him, "I'm new around here."

He rested his arms on the bar, "Oh right. It's funny because Castle Rock rarely has any newcomers. Got a name?"

I replied, "Jamie Sawyer."

Ace raised his eyebrows and asked, "Well Jamie whad'ya say I give you a little tour around the town?" He added, "And hopefully get to know you better." His eyes became alluring and sensual and had a slight glint to them. I hesitated, "Err I don-." I was a little wary of Ace Merrill because there was something about him that made me feel a little skeptic about his intentions. His advances to pursue me reminded a little of John, my ex-boyfriend, however Ace wasn't nearly as cheesy. In fact his advances were charming and sexy. I couldn't deny that Ace Merrill was very sexy. Oh what the hell. Fresh start right? It might fun and it would be good to know my way around town a little better.

He started to walk out of the diner and I followed completely ignoring the girls who stares I could feel boring into my back. Outside, Ace got into his car which is a white 57' Chevy. Very cool. He reached over to open the door for me. I slid myself in as I asked, "Is this your car?"

"Yeah," He said as he started the engine, "Why?"

I complemented, "It's nice."

"Thanks. It used to be my dad's," He said while lighting a cigarette.

Just as we were about to set off a car engine roared next to us with a group of boys jeering at and teasing Ace. A young boy, with a short curly brown hair and blue baseball cap, worn backwards, teased, "Whoever that is Ace save some for me!" He smiled mischievously at me and winked his right eye. I frowned in disgust and looked the other way.

"Beat it Eyeball," Ace threatened. Eyeball? What kind of name is Eyeball?

Eyeball taunted, "Come on Ace. Now you don't want Jessie to find out do you?"

Ace made a face at Eyeball indicating him to shut up and I frowned. I asked confused, "Who's Jessie?"

Ace turned to me, "She's no one really."

Another boy sitting in the passenger seat piped up, "His girlfriend!"

Ace threatened again, "Vince, I'm gonna beat the crap out of you asshole!" I jerked my seatbelt off and threw open the car door slamming it closed behind me. Ace copied me and popped his head out between the door, "Where are you going Jamie?!"

I turned around abruptly and argued, "Home! How can you not tell me you had a girlfriend? Who do you think I am?" My words were louder and people who were walking along the side walk stopped to watch the drama unfold. "A slut," Eyeball joked and the whole bunch of boys in Eyeball's car including Eyeball roared with laughter. Even Ace chuckled at little. My jaw hardened and I had the urge to punch Ace Merrill right in the face. I felt embarrassed, humiliated and ashamed that I would just jump into a car with a guy that I didn't even know. He leaned against the door, "Oh come on Jamie. Look just get in the car and we can forget this ever happened." I sighed walking slowly toward him and said angrily, "You know what you are? You're a John and I really hate John's." All memories of my ex-boyfriend flooded my mind and I was ready to unleash all the anger in me. Eyeball frowned confused at my little rant as did all the other boys. Ace just smirked, "How did you know my name John?"

I was puzzled, "What?"

Ace spoke clearer, "My real name is John! How did you know?"

"Ohh..." I paused, "Gosh it must be what you call stupid brainless players! Plus you said your name was Ace, John." I said the John with exaggeration.

"Don't call me that ever again. The names Ace. Got it?" He added gently, "Now c'mon and I'll tell you anything you wanna know."

I'm going to teach this little moron a lesson. This wasn't the old Jamie who couldn't defend herself. This wasn't helpless little Jamie Danvers who couldn't fight for her rights and self-respect. I had been pushed over the edge and now I was really pissed. I grabbed the car door and rammed it straight into Ace who yelped in pain. I pulled him by his collar and said quietly, "I really hate Johns." I roughly let go and started to walk off as I said louder, "Asshole." I didn't expect it to hurt him as such as it did.

When Eyeball, Vince and the others started to get out of the car to help Ace, I immediately started running. I ran and I ran anywhere. Pressing my hand against the wall as I tried to support myself from falling, I started to lose my breath. I stumbled into an alley as the tears escaped my eyes. Sliding down the wall, I buried my face in my hands. I sobbed and sobbed. I whispered through the tears, "Why me?" All these years I have suffered and for the first time I get a chance to start again, something else gets thrown at me and knocks me flat on my face! What is this life? I'm just a kid and I'm broken. I'm utterly broken and no one can fix me. No one. Not even a fresh start!

I hear a voice ask in concern, "What's wrong?"


	4. It's Not That Easy To Start Again

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My head shot up and my pupils dilated. The person in front of me looked concerned as I used my hands to back away and get up. "I'm fine," I murmured. I looked down at the floor in embarrassment.

He doubted, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I assured as I crossed my arms and started to walk away.

"Wait," The person called. Their voice was smooth and mellifluous but I didn't turn around. I was not going to fall for that again. Whatever he had to say I would listen but I would have my guard up. Then Dallas's words, 'You need to give people a chance,' rang in my head so I was going to listen to her. It was funny how much she cropped up in certain times of my life. She was right about moving on and how not all people had the worst intentions at heart. However, I wasn't going to be nearly as friendly as I was to Ace. Plus, defensive Jamie sometimes worked. I stopped, "What?"

The boy said, "Look whatever you're going through I just want to say it gets better. Whoever made you sad is not worth your tears falling on your pretty little face."

I questioned defensively, "What are you trying?" A small smile crept on to my lips. I was feeling nervous as I shyly grinned. Of course I never turned around so he could see. This guy was trying to be smooth and it was working. Are all the boys in Castle Rock big flirts? Hopefully they weren't all douchebags like Ace. This boy seemed genuine but I wasn't going to be fazed. I think. I hope not. Aww crap!

"I'm trying to make you smile," He replied, "And from what I can make out it's working."

I turned around with a serious look on my face, "No it's not!" My hand was covering my lips. Why was my hand over my lips?! He stood there with his eyebrows slightly raised and small smirk on his mouth. I rolled my eyes and bit my lip so I could contain my laughter. I chuckled. He smiled, "My guess is that it did." There was a moment of silence before he suddenly exclaimed over dramatically as if he was delivering a monologue, "Don't contain your laughter and share it with the world!" My suppressed giggle turned into loud laughter. He laughed to, obviously amused with himself. I coughed later trying to cover it. My cheeks must have been glowing red as they scorched with embarrassment. I quickly turned my head then turned it back it seriously, "Well it didn't." I turned around with attitude and strutted down the road. I hear him call, "Is that why you laughed?" I looked at him with a frown as I inwardly kicked myself for letting my guard down. So much for being unfazed. But he was really funny and cheered me up. Sort of. Kind of. Shit! Lost in thought, I tripped over the sidewalk but luckily my hand gripped a lamppost before I could fall. He stood there with his hand on his hips chuckling at my clumsiness as I threw him a cold stare.

He waved now laughing hysterically, "Bye!"

I continued strutting off down the street wanting to fall into black hole and never see his face again. I don't think I was even more mortified with Ace then I was with this boy! Shoot! I didn't even know his name but I had shown him a side to me that even I hadn't seen in a long time. Was I… laughing? This cannot go on! But I liked it! I drilled into my head "FRESH START!" I was genuinely amused and all my problems seem to dissolve for a while but I was pretty sure they would be filtered out. They always were. The fact that I tripped and nearly fell over was probably the peak of utter humiliation! Awkward! Awkward! Awkward!

I came home finding a note from gran that read, "Off to the shops with Molly McCarthy. See you when I get back darling! Love you!" I sighed collapsing on the sofa. My arms opened wide as I took in the silence. It felt nice after the day I had. The fact I was happy was weird considering I had kind of publicly humiliated myself and Ace. But then that boy… I shot up.

Oh no! This cannot be happening. I must avoid that boy at all costs! I know I was all for fresh starts but now I wasn't too sure. So much has happened that would take years to erase. I realize now that I just can't toss it aside and forget it ever happened like I wanted to. But I didn't want to face it either. Why should I have to face it? It was too painful. Too broken. This town was starting to scare me. What if I start to get close to someone and they leave me just like all the others. Look how quickly I let my guard down with that boy back there. Next time, I might start babbling about my past. Was I being paranoid or not?! It was so much easier to keep quiet about what had happened until the whole story spread like wildfire because I had Dallas to talk to and comfort me. When everyone left she was there.

I couldn't put myself out there too quickly. Like Dallas said, "You fall too hard and you jump in without armbands." She is right. Another example was Ace. I was all ready to jump into a car with him! What if he started asking me about my past? And me being in a vulnerable state and in need of companionship told him the whole mess. Looking back at how everyone treated me and practically drove me out of Fairhaven made me lose faith in all of humanity. That feeling of neglect and heart break was a feeling I couldn't fathom nor shoulder. I needed to evaluate and inspect my life and which parts I just wanted to block out and forget about. I need to figure who I wanted to be before I put myself out there into the big bad world.


	5. It's Time To Live

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Eight days passed and my cowardly self never once stepped out of the house. I was sitting at the kitchen table staring off into space. I hear my grandma, "Darling darling?"

I shake my head, "Oh sorry gran."

Grandma asked worriedly, "What's with you lately?"

"Me? Nothing," I denied cheerfully.

Grandma sat down, "Jamie please I know there is something up with you. You seemed so eager to go explore your new home and now you don't even leave the house. Did something happen?" I contemplated on telling her how I was feeling and I decided I was. If I didn't I would probably go mad.

I sighed, "I don't think I'm going to fit in here."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that…." I contemplated telling her what happened but I didn't want to worry her. I said, "It's just hard to shake the past. I left Fairhaven so quickly I didn't even have a chance to come to terms with what happened let alone heal. I still am gran. I'm still healing. I can't… talk to people."

"I know how hard it is Jamie but locking yourself away from the world is not the answer. You have to get out there and be strong because you are. You're a little trooper just like your mother. She would be heartbroken to see what you're doing to yourself. I for one can't take it. You were robbed of your innocence. You know the world isn't all smiles and rainbows but kids your age tend to forget that. And sometimes that's a good thing. Enjoy your youth as much as you can and be who you are and not what pain has turned you into."

"What if I can't? I can't find the old Jamie," I doubted.

Grandma took my hand, "Then create a new one. God gives us chances to recreate who we are and sometimes to become the best person you can be is to touch the wounds of the past. Let them sting. The pain is what makes you strong. It makes you kind…" She added, "But you didn't need pain to show what a kind hearted soul you are."

"I just want to live. I want to forget what happened. I hate myself every single day. I hate HIM!" I cried and my voice became louder through the tears.

Grandma assured as tear escaped her eye, "What happened wasn't your fault. There are sick, twisted and evil people in this world and in life we encounter at least one. One that changes our life forever. But that's the test. You can either sit around cry and mope or you can fight back. Don't let what he did to you dictate the rest of your life. He's gone honey. He can never hurt you again okay? And I'm going to help you live. And start again! Starting with a fair."

I asked confused as I was wiping my tears, "A fair?"

Grandma said enthusiastically, "The end of summer funfair! It's basically where everyone goes to enjoy the last bit of summer and school's starting soon so it's something to enjoy. It's a really fun time. Even I enjoy it! All the kids go out and it would be a great place to make some friends."

"I don't know gran. I-,"

Gran interrupted, "Jamie, these are the moments in life where you truly feel alive. The moments that make it all worth it. Lights, company, noise, peace, happiness and adventure. You just don't know who you're going to meet..." I smiled gently signalling she convinced me to go. She added mischievously, "Who knows you may meet somebody that you like? The young boys around here are very charming."

I chuckled, "I love you gran." I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and rested my head on her shoulder.

"I'm going to help you get through this darling," She patted my arm as she said seriously. I love how grandma could easily change the subject and make me feel better than how I felt usually. The subject of my past was over and we discussed the fair. It sounded fun just as long as I didn't run into Ace or the other guy I had embarrassed myself in front of. Speaking of which, I hadn't thought about him in much lately. But he seemed nice. Stupid nice people! Oh my gosh! First I want to meet nice people then I whinge and question their intentions. I'm a mess! How I acted around him however, was a big deal to me. What happened with Ace just bugged me. I was not a hoe! I wish to not be perceived as one especially on the first day in this town!

"Go get ready," Grandma urged.

I rubbed my hands together licking my lips, "What are we having?"

Grandma asked confused, "What do you mean honey? The fair is tonight!"

My eyes widened, "Tonight?! As in tonight?! What?! I thought it was tomorrow!"

Grandma said, "It's the last day of August I'm pretty sure I mentioned that."

I shook my head, "No. I thought I'd have a day to prepare."

Grandma snickered, "It's a fair Jamie not a speech."

I whinged, "Yes but how will I speak to people? What I'm going to say?!"

"The best things are unplanned," Grandma said wisely.

I let my head drop backward and panicked, "I'm not going."

Grandma said simply, "Oh yes you are missy. Now go get ready. We are leaving in an hour."

I sighed in defeat stomping up the stairs. Grandma called from the kitchen, "Live Jamie live!" That's easy for her to say because she doesn't have social freaking anxiety! I really can't talk to people even if I tried. I get all defensive and weird. Heck I can just about make small talk! Maybe it's all in my head and I'm just extremely shy? Maybe.

Anyway I need to decide what to wear! Oh man this is too much pressure for one hour! Arghhhh! I flipped through the clothes in my closet and all my draws were open. I came across a black knee high skirt with a sheer white blouse. Nah, too sophisticated. "It's a fair not a job interview you moron," I told myself. There's going to be kids running around and playing those games that come there. Rip offs in my opinion. I was always bitter towards them stupid fair games because I never won anything. Teens standing in crowds or making out behind food stands. Boys trying to court girls. Girls checking out guys. Old people sitting around watching the lights or the world around them, embracing life and reminiscing their youth.

After about half an hour of trying on clothes I found my light knee high grey dress. I tried it on and it fit, perfectly hugging my hips and flowing out from waist like a skater skirt. I wore my black Chuck Taylors and let my long light brown hair highlighted with natural blond hang loose.

I hear gran call, "Dear you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," I said to myself gazing at my reflection in the mirror. I looked…suitable I guess? I could feel and hear the changes coming. I feared them but I wanted them to take their course. After all, it was time to live.

**The next chapter will introduce more of the Stand By Me characters so fasten your seatbelts! **


	6. And So Life Begins

Light were glistening and shining everywhere with only the moon being the natural source of light. The bright lights were alluring and inviting attracting you to what seemed like Heaven on the Earth for the residents of Castle Rock. The sky was clear dark blue and the air around me was warm. You could hear the loud screams from people on the rides and the cheerful laughter of kids running around. I could hear the sound of music in the distance playing innocently compared to the amount of noise and sounds of screaming. Gran was right when she said the whole of Castle Rock attended the fair because I could see people of different ages which was great. I felt of sense of community. Everyone seemed preoccupied with what they were doing to notice the newcomer of Castle Rock which greatly pleased me. Like my first day, people weren't gawking at me. I should have taken a deep breath before I stepped into this crazy atmosphere. Gran and I walked through the fair and I joked, "Don't lose me."

"Darling I'm going to go sit with Molly McCarthy and the other gals where it's a little less busy. Here's twenty dollars. Enjoy yourself," She handed me two ten dollars and started to walk off.

"G-G-Gran," I stuttered as I started to panic, "You can't just leave me!"

Gran turned, "Live Jamie!" She turned back round waving to her friends. It was cute. Gran was like a little girl again when it came to her friends who I still had yet to meet.

I sighed and whizzed around on my heel. Staring at the hustle and bustle of the fair, I started strolling. Being by myself and seeing all the other teens together in little crowds aroused boredom and loneliness. I walked to a food stand and got myself a cheeseburger and sat on bench to eat it. After a while, I finished it and then started to search my small side bag for tissues. Someone says, "You're new around here." It wasn't a question. Castle Rock is a small town. The girl who stood in front of me had dark brown hair that fell to her elbows and flowed in waves like mine. Her eyes, framed by her long lashes, were dark brown and twinkling because of the lights. She has a light complexion and high cheekbones with full lips colored rosy pink.

"Err yeah," I said awkwardly.

"Hmm I thought so. I'm Bella" She held her hand out, "You?"

"I'm err J-Jamie," I replied, awkwardly. Be cool Jamie. Just be calm.

She smiled, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded quickly. I sighed after a moment, "Look I'm a nervous wreck."

She laughed, "Don't worry it's a new town. Everyone gets nervous when they go somewhere new and don't know anybody. It's cool." I liked this girl and I felt calm around her because she was making me feel comfortable. Bella was understanding reminding me of Dallas.

I started and then I couldn't stop talking. I don't even know where this came from. Part of me just needed to be sure. I said defensively, "So you're not going to be a girl who gawks and laughs at me then give me dirty looks because the guy you like is talking to me?"

She chuckled, "If you tried it on with Gordie then I'll do more then give you dirty looks." I looked at her confused then she added chuckling, "My boyfriend. And you don't seem like the type to steal a girl's boyfriend." I lifted my head understanding. Bella was funny.

She sat on the bench next to me, "So dirty looks because a guy was talking to you? What was that outburst all about?"

"Err… nothing it was stupid." I gripped the seat of the bench looking around.

I caught her trying to catch my gaze, "You want to talk about it?"

I changed the subject and got up pointing at something behind me, "Do you want to walk around?"

"Mysterious one aren't we," Bella raised her eyebrows and got off the bench. She challenged, "Come on you might as well tell me who they were otherwise you're going to have to face them for yourself. At least I can give you… the lowdown."

I sighed laughing, "The lowdown."

"Tell me," She urged.

"Okay…" I said. And then I told her everything about what happened with Ace except for the part where I ran off in tears.

She laughed, "Badass! I like you. As for them girls… it looks like I have to give you the 411 on Castle Rock's drama." She wrapped an arm around my shoulder and we started to walk.

We continued to walk laughing and talking as she told me about her background and about Castle Rock. Bella told me how those girls I mentioned and described to her in the diner were the 'View Sluts,' a bunch of stuck up snobs. And that all the rich snobs lived up on the View. HA! I was right! I knew I had good instincts. I told her a little about where I was from and what school I went to and that's it. She asked why I moved her and I told her, "A new beginning. Fairhaven just wasn't right for me." I left it at that and she didn't push.

We came towards a small group of teens consisting of two girls and three boys. Bella called over their chatter and giggles, "Hey guys. I got someone I want you to meet." They all stared at me. Oh my gosh this is so uncomfortable. A tidal wave of anxiety washed over me and my nerves were tingling as if they were being tickled by their eyes. My heart is pounding and the beat of my pulse is literally skyrocketing. Maybe I did have social anxiety. It was either people scared me or I was scared of how I were to act around people. Would they like me? It's crazy how I went from super confident and carefree to this fragile and weak little mess. Now my confidence was a mess because I was either super confident or very very low. But most of the time I was very very low. I tried to make eye contact with them for like five seconds and forced a small smile on my face when inside I wanted to scream. I could feel the sweat forming on my forehead and I started to play with my fingers. Bella introduced, "This is Jamie guys. She's just moved here."

I put my hand up and then dropped it. "Hi Jamie," They all said in unison.

Bella introduced everyone one by one, "Jamie, this is Ronnie, Savannah, Teddy, Gordie and Vern."

A boy with coke bottle glasses and blond hair piped up, "She's hot." Bella and Ronnie smiled at me. Savannah through a stern look at Teddy then glanced at me with a light frown on her forehead. Did she like this Teddy?

Gordie, who was very tall and skinny with brown hair, outraged, "Teddy! Way to make her feel comfortable."

He stared in shock, "What? It was compliment. You don't mind do you sweetheart?" I realized he was talking to me then I shake my head and shrug my shoulders, "It's okay." Savannah jealousy was becoming apparent to me even more.

Teddy stated, "See!"

"Teddy you're an idiot," Bella went over to hug the skinny boy who scolded Teddy.

"Hi Jamie. Don't worry about Teddy. He's crazy," Gordie shook my hand.

Teddy exclaimed, "I have ears!"

"Correction you have one ear and a half," Ronnie, a girl with curly blond hair, lifted her head off Vern's shoulder. Everyone burst out laughing and then she slapped Teddy on the shoulder playfully, "I'm kidding Theodore."

"Hi and it's fine really. He seems nice," I answered Gordie. I whispered to Bella and Gordie, "Erm what happened to Teddy's ear?"

Bella whispered, "His dad held it to stove and almost burnt it off." I stared in shock and I was about to say something until Teddy interjected, "How about I take you on the ferris wheel Jamie."

"Oh err," I looked at Bella.

Savannah, a tall girl with light brown hair and honest blue eyes, interrupted, "You don't have to unless you want to die." She glared at Teddy. She sort of threw a look at me and I sensed her envy. Maybe she did like Teddy? Like I said, I didn't want any enemies.

Okay now I was really confused, "Err die?"

"Teddy's crazy," Vern said. Vern, a boy who was kind of chubby in a cute way however taller than Savannah with short black hair.

I questioned, "Crazy?" What was with these short questions? Suck it up Jamie! There going to think you're not interested.

"He wants to be in the army. He'll probably try to haul you off a rollercoaster because _he_ thinks it's fun," Vern said seriously.

"I wouldn't go that far Vern," Savannah defended.

Teddy smiled at Savannah confirming that something was cooking up between both of them. Or something was already bubbling. They gazed at each other for a while. I didn't want to make any enemies because Lord knows I've had many. Teddy broke eye contact with Savannah and asked me eagerly, "So would you like to?"

"Erm Teddy how about you take Savannah," I stared at Savannah who looked up abruptly, "Because I'm kind of feeling a little nauseous. I had a burger at one of the stands and I don't feel right…" She smiled a small tender smile at me, "I'll probably throw up if I go on any rides. Sorry." I babbled as I carefully told my lie. Savannah smiled thankfully at me like I just did her a favour. Anyone could literally smell the feelings between Savannah and Teddy. Teddy wasn't upset about my rejection or idea and held out his hand, "Savannah?" He gazed at her happily and she took his hand and they strolled off. Savannah punched Teddy's arm after he said something I couldn't hear.

Bella sighed, "Best Friends. When are they going to get together already." It wasn't a question because nobody said or did anything other than stare at the sight of Teddy and Savannah walking off together. They weren't holding hands.

Ronnie broke the silence, "I know. Why is she even with that dumbass Trent Davis?"

Bella said, "I asked her how she like felt about Teddy and she claims they're just friends."

"But she likes him. Trent treats her sometimes like she's so beneath him. She puts up with it-,"

Bella interrupted, "I know but he is really sweet to her. He lives up on the View and he's _with_ her! She thinks being with Teddy will be too much drama. And she's had enough don't you think?"

Ronnie replied, "Look Bell, I can see where you're coming from but that relationship is also drama. Look how many times she's cried her eyes out but she still goes back to him."

Gordie told Bella, "Yeah he really likes her but you know Teddy. He's crazy about her and that's on top of his normal craziness. He thinks getting with other girls will make her jealous and therefore be with him. No offense Jamie." He turned to me.

I held my hand up, "Non-taken. I could tell there was something between them."

"She'll thank you for what you just did," Bella smiled and then looked down at the floor, "I don't know I guess I'm just trying to make sure she's happy especially after her dad's death and all."

"Yes but Trent can be a right snobby dick," Vern complained.

Gordie sighed, "Anyway where's Chris?"

"He's probably with Lauren," Ronnie assumed.

Bella fumed, "I hate that plastic blond bimbo."

"We know we know," Gordie, Vern and Ronnie said tiredly together as if that was something Bella mentioned hundreds of times.

Gordie rubbed his girlfriend's shoulders, "Calm down before you explode, Vesuvius."

"No! How can someone as smart and caring as Chris go out with such a fake, irritating and dumb person? That bitch is unbearable! Eurgh! I have the right mind to go punch that-,"

Behind Bella and Gordie stood a tall, muscular boy with his hands placed on his hips. He was standing on top of a bench seat smirking down at Bella who was ranting on and on about this Lauren. Ronnie and Vern smiled as they saw him. His greyish blue eyes were alive with amusement and his smirk widened into a grin. A gentle breeze blew through his short dirty blond hair as he ran his hand through it. When running his hands through his hair he looked like a badass model with his boyish good looks. I moved to the side a little bit. I recognized him from somewhere. Where though? I racked my brain to figure out then he stepped off the bench and spoke, his voice mellifluous... and smooth, "She's at it again isn't she Gordo." Oh no.

Oh no! I remember now! Shit! Shit! Shit! It's him! The idiot that made me nervous and trip embarrassing me into oblivion! Contemplating whether or not I should run and or just quietly slip away, I watch the drama unfold.

Bella turned around, "Yes I'm at it again you-," She immediately stopped, her face in shock. "Oh hi Chris," She looked down sheepishly.

"Still yakking on about how much you don't like Lauren, Bella" Chris presumed.

Bella gripped his shoulders and looked him dead in the eye "Chris, I can't stand that witch. I don't just dislike her, I detest the sight of her." Chris shook his head.

Chris begged, "Please stop making fun of my girl, Bella. I really like her. And I'd appreciate it if you would not call her a brainless barbie. Gordie tell her!" Bella threw a look at Gordie that basically said, "Don't you dare. And I never called her brainless barbie, I called her plastic blond bimbo." I slowly started to back away from the group as the heated conversation wore on. Wait, where did Ronnie and Vern go?

**Third Person**

Bella clasped her hands together and said seriously, "Look Chris, all I'm saying is that there are so many other girls who are smart and kind and actually like you for who you are! You're like my brother and I want to protect you. That brainless barbie just likes you because she thinks you're hot! In fact I even have someone I would like you to meet. I just met her You'll love her she's-," Bella looked to the left to see that Jamie was nowhere to be seen, "gone?!" Bella eyes widened darting around the fair in concern. She turn back to Gordie and Chris, "Oh no. Ace!"


	7. Second Encounters

Gordie questioned, "Ace?"

Bella worried, "Yeah Ace! What if Jamie bumps into him?"

Chris asked, "Whose Jamie?"

"She's my friend. We just met tonight," Bella panicked, "Now we need to find her. You know Ace…he's ruthless!" Bella breathed heavily.

Chris told Bella, "Calm down Bella! You don't know if she's not alright yet. We'll find her. What does she look like?"

Gordie explained, "She's got light blondie browny hair."

Chris frowned confused and Bella glared at Gordie. Bella sarcastically questioned, "So we're supposed to look for a girl who's got 'light blondie browny hair?'" She exclaimed, "That's a lot of help! Great description Gordie!"

Gordie snapped, "Hey calm down alright Bella. She could have gone home for all we know!"

Chris asked going back to the subject, "What is she wearing?"

"A knee highed grey dress," Bella replied.

"Alright. Light blondie browny hair and a grey dress. Okay, you guys go that way and I'll go that way. If we don't find her in the next half an hour, meet back here," He added, "Then you can panic Bella." They all went their separate ways in hopes to find Jamie.

**Jamie**

I was practically running away from the group in hope they wouldn't come and look for me. Then I stopped and wondered if they would even notice I was gone. Nobody did. I stopped and leaned against a stilt of a ride that wasn't in motion.

"Would you look at that?" I spun around at the sound of Ace's menacing voice.

"Ace," I whispered.

"Glad to see you're calling me Ace," He came closer to me as I backed away, "I really don't like what you said to me back there. It hurt almost as much as what you did to me."

I said really quickly as I panicked, "Look I was just having a bad day. I'm sorry I hurt you. Please don't hurt me."

"Not good enough," He flicked a knife open. My eyes widened with fear before I gulped. I couldn't scream. Just like the last time someone threatened my life. I waited for the stab as I stood silently like a monument, frozen for eternity. Those death like eyes raged with anger were something I had seen before by someone who wanted to hurt me. By someone who did hurt me.

A young girl wearing short denim shorts and a loose blue top shouted, "Ace?!" He put the knife down behind his back as he turned to the sound of her voice. She added angrily, "Now you're flirting with other girls! I was just about to take you back! Asshole!"

"Jessie wait please," Ace pleaded. Just as he was about to chase after Jessie, Ace warned me, "This isn't over."

"But I didn't-," I said quietly.

He warned again, this time pointing the knife at me, "It isn't over. You hear me?" I heard him alright so I just nodded my eyes dark with fear. I started to walk through the funfair to find Grandma and tell her that I wanted to leave. As I was walking, tears formed in my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. It seemed as if it was one trouble after another with me. A smooth familiar voice asks, "Are you okay?" I turned around back to where I was facing. My mouth opened and my eyes widened. Oh no.

"Fine," I reply with a high pitched voice as clamped my hand over my mouth. I scrunched my face and squeezed my eyes shut.

He chuckled, "Are you sure?" I turned my head as I walked forward, "Yeah I'm fine. I'm great. I'm-." Suddenly, I feel light green prickles pressed into my back beneath me. The world around me started to spin as I slap my forehead with my hand. My head did a slow circle as I try to restore my senses. The person standing over me has three heads completely blurred and his voice sounds hazy.

Slowly, everything started to return to normal; my vison, my mind and my life. Those five minutes of not knowing what was going on around me were very… fulfilling.

A young boy kneels beside me. "Does it hurt when I do this," A cold hand presses against my forehead gently and I flinched.

"No," I say dreamily then immediately snapping back to reality. Now this was beyond the valley of humiliation and the epitome of embarrassment. I thought I reached my peak in Fairhaven but no, it was exceeded in Castle Rock because of this boy with some kind enticing charm. Enticing charm? I must still be dizzy. Don't pinch me.

I say quickly, "Is there anything there?" I need to go find Grandma and get away from him.

He scanned my head before looking into my eyes, "No, but sometimes pain is on the inside rather than the outside. And that one always hurts the most." I stared at him with trying to show any emotion but I failed miserably. I can't help feeling that what he said a hidden meaning.

"A little," I murmured answering his previous question.

I could have died right there and it still wouldn't have been nearly as painful as the two encounters I've had with this boy. The situation seem to have gotten a little too serious for my liking.

He joked, "Have a nice trip?" The mood could have been lightened any other away and you choose that sarcastic remark you jerk. I was just beginning to like you. Jerk!

My face went serious and I could feel the fiery pit of anger inside of me ready to explode, "Look I know! I'm a klutz and my life's a mess!" I quietened down a bit but still the annoyance was audible, "You don't have to bother me and constantly remind me of this sad humiliation because however much you are amused at my sad self, I feel the exact opposite-," He stared at me as I exclaimed, "Times a hundred!" He didn't flinch. He just gazed. Defensive Jamie always had appropriate timing and like I had said before, she isn't taking no shit!

He apologizes, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I huff.

He adds, "That you have such an awful sense of humour."

I ask, annoyed, "I thought you were helping me?"

"And I thought you'd appreciate it," He shot back.

"I do," I shot back. After a moment, I sighed, "I'm sorry. Thank you for helping me. It's just… this is really embarrassing. This is the second time this has happened to me and I-."

He realized, "That was you! In the alley?" I nodded looking away.

He sat down on the floor opposite me and asked seriously, "Why were you crying?"

"It doesn't matter," I reply, "Thank you for back then as well."

He says, "But I didn't do anything."

I shook my head, "You did. You cheered me up. Thanks." We just gaze at each other for a few seconds until he got up off the grassy floor. He was just going to leave me here wasn't he? But he didn't. I was instantly surprised when he held out his hand for me to take. I considered getting up myself but just took it anyway. His hands were strong but gentle and grazed with a few cuts. Using just his hand, he pulled me up as if he was living a feather off to the ground. Once, we were both off the ground, my hand was still in his.

"I'm Chris Chambers," He introduced and turned our hands so it look like a handshake.

"Jamie Sawyer," I replied shaking his hand. I could feel the sweat forming on my hand from nervousness but somehow I didn't care. Wow, our hands had been in each other's for while so I pulled mine away quickly. This was awkward. Something in my hand tingled and that tingling sensation stayed with me moments after I let go of Chris's hand.

Chris cleared his throat, "Are you- Bella's going crazy looking for you. Something about Ace? What happened? Did you reject him?" Bella and Gordie actually liked me? I felt that the bar on my self-esteem had been taken up notch. They were looking for me. They actually care about me. A foreign feeling cropped up inside of me; worth. These people, that didn't really know me, we're treating as me if they'd known me for ages. It was great. I felt like I belonged.

"Well I err," I said nervously, "Let's go find them." We didn't have to because Bella came running up to me her voice laced with worry, "Are you okay Jamie?" She pulled me into a hug.

I assured, "I'm fine."

Chris asked curiously, "Is somebody going to tell me what happened with Ace?" Bella and I looked at each other before I motioned her to tell Chris.

"Long story short she hit him where it hurts. Literally," Bella explained.

Gordie and Chris's face went serious. They said in unison, "You did what?!"

"Well he was being a right dick towards her and she hit him. Sounds fair," Bella shrugged half-heartedly. Something told me that she was just as worried as Chris and Gordie appear to be. Everyone seemed to be talking at once. One sentence came after the other. We might as well have been talking to ourselves because we weren't listening to each other. Chris asked with no sign of amusement on his face, "Is that why you were crying the other day?"

Bella asked puzzled, "Crying? What?"

Gordie panicked with his hands pressed to the back of his head, "Oh this is bad. Real bad. Shit!"

"Everybody calm down," I said over all of them.

"If Ace is still here, we need to leave. Now," Chris said urgently. Chris and Gordie looked like they had seen a ghost. We all headed to the car. Gordie asked Chris, "You think he'll hurt her?"

Chris replied, "Hell yes! That bastard has no remorse and if he sees her hanging round with Bella he might hurt her to." Chris rubbed his forehead. Hurt me? Hurt Bella? What on earth is happening? Oh shit, that explains why he tried to hurt me earlier on. Chris unlocked the door to his truck and ordered us all to get in. Bella demanded as she slammed the door shut, "What the hell is going on?"

Gordie turned in the passenger seat to Bella and I at the back, "Look Ace might be after you Jamie. He doesn't take what you did to him lightly. Trust me."

I said, "But he called me a hoe and made me look like a fool. I only defended myself."

Gordie asked, "Did you see him at the fair?" I was considering on whether or not I should tell them about my encounter with Ace. But I didn't. That was the only thing I would keep to myself.

Bella tried to ease the tension, "Look Ace just threatens. I mean I've never seen him actually do anything _physically_…bad."

Gordie interjected, "He _physically_ hurt us when we were twelve years old!" Chris carelessly let his head fall onto the steering wheel and closed his eyes. Gordie sighed.

Gordie continued, "We went looking for Ray Brower…" He looked directly at Bella this time. For once, she was speechless.


	8. Revelations

"Ray…" Bella whispers.

"Please Bella listen to me," Gordie begs. Chris starts to drive. Gordie gave him a look and he replied, "I need to drive. Just tell her."

"Chris, Teddy, Vern and I went to go find his body." Bella's face was turned away from Gordie. I could see a tear escape her eye, "You have to remember that this was before us. Before I even met you."

Bella snaps, "Just tell me what happened!"

Gordie turns to face her as Chris stops the car, "Bella please calm down."

"Just tell me what happened," She repeats, aggravated.

"We followed the train tracks all the way to the Back Harlow Road. It was there we found him. He had been knocked out by the train. And then Ace came with the Cobras and Chris threatened him with a gun. Later on, after everything happened, we got back to Castle Rock and he, along with the Cobras, kicked the crap out of us." It seems as if Gordie and Bella need sometime alone but this involves Chris. Chris's face looks serious and sympathetic. He looks down at himself, ashamed. Bella wasn't looking at anyone. Her head was leaning against the back of her seat, her hands covering her face. Listening to the story, I don't feel like Gordie and Chris need to be ashamed because they were just kids when all this occurred. But I don't know the full story.

Gordie says bravely, "I'm going to be honest with you, Bella. At first, we all went in hopes of being on…TV and being…famous." Gordie's voice was laced with shame, his face full of remorse.

Bella scoffs, "I can't hear any more of this." She started to get out of the car before I grab her arm.

I plead, "Please, listen to him Bella. Let him finish then make your judgement." I was a firm believer in knowing the whole truth before making any judgements. And I knew how only listening to half of a story leads to misunderstanding.

Bella snaps again, "No! I don't want to listen to this." She gets out of the truck.

I follow her out of the truck and call, "Bella stop!" She storms down the road and Gordie rushes after her, "Bella stop! It's not safe." Gordie turns to Chris and I, "Jamie, Chris will drop you off."

"Call her back again! Gordie man, it's not safe," Chris warned.

"I can't lose her, Chris," Gordie exclaimed.

Chris sighs, "Go man. I'll come round to Bella's after I have dropped Jamie off home" Chris rubs his temples with his one hand. I look sadly at Gordie as he runs off to Bella.

Chris and I drove home silently. His hands grip the steering wheel so hard that his fingers start turning red. "Chris slow down," I told him. He didn't slow down. Instead he stops the car in the middle of an empty road that is surrounded by trees which created the forest on either side.

Leaning his head against the steering wheel, he sighs, "You must think I'm a right wet end."

"No, I do not think you are a wet end. I think you guys were very brave to tell Bella. I'm sure Bella we'll forgive you guys. She just needs time. I mean you've kept this secret from her so she's obviously hurt…" I don't know what I was saying because I couldn't understand why Bella was as angry as she was. Surely there was something I missed back there.

"Yeah, maybe. A long while. I mean it was her brother. Man, I feel like shit. I can't believe we kept this from her for so long! It was her brother for God's sake! I'm so angry for hurting her," Chris slams the steering wheel with his hand. Her brother? Oh crap! No wonder she was so hurt and angry, it was her brother! Poor Bella. Tomorrow, I will go visit her to see if she's… well, I wouldn't use okay because I was never okay with what happened to my mother and I never would be. 'Okay' just seemed like a stupid word. I mean are any of us ever really okay? Even if the body wasn't her brother, I would go visit her. She was great girl and she was there for me. I ran my hand through my hair worrying about Bella. I was going to ask Chris if I could come along to Bella's but I figured she needs space right now.

I try to ease the tension, "Chris, you were kids. You didn't know any better. Bella will understand that. "

Chris chuckles humourlessly, "She won't. I can't believe what we've done to her. Yeah we didn't until we found the body."

"What do you mean?"

Chris explains, "When we found the body it kind of dawned on us that what we were doing wasn't right. It was our gang against Ace's at first but once we saw that dead body, all of the intentions that we started with went up in smoke. That trip was life changing and it wasn't what I expected it to be. We wanted to be heroes but that wasn't the way. So we made an anonymous call. None of us were ever the same again. We matured in a way…"

I say, "I feel as if the world we live when we're children is just a taste of the good life before we're hit with the harsh reality of what the world really is. It's a cruel world but if you can find happiness, you're lucky….," I add, "Very lucky."

He sighs, "I miss not having a care in the world. I'm glad I know right from wrong but it's the troubles we face that start to become unbearable. You want to help but there's only so much you can do. And then you just lose it. And once you lose it, you lose yourself. As I grew up, I started to question everything about myself."

I agreed, "I miss it too. It sad how these years are supposed to be the best years of our lives and they turn out to be the hardest."

"I hear you," He sighed

"So we are in the middle of an empty road talking about how sucky life is," I chuckled.

"It can be sucky if you let it. Life is what _you_ make it I guess." I looked down because I knew I was wasting my life away. He was right.

"Sometimes it depends on who's around you," I blurted.

"Which is why you distance yourself from those people." Chris was cool but he really did make me look foolish at times. Or maybe it was my foolish way of thinking?

Chris asks, changing the subject, "So tell me. Where are you from?" Even though I knew I would be asked this question a lot, I still dread to answer it.

"Fairhaven; it's about three hours from here," I gaze out of the window before I turn to face him.

He questions, "Why did you move here?"

I don't completely lie, "I moved here because I wasn't feeling Fairhaven anymore."

"Wow, I wish I could just move somewhere because I wasn't feeling it," Chris said.

I ask curiously, "Why? Don't you like it here?"

"I do. Don't get me wrong I like it here but it's just-," Silence.

"Tell me," I urge.

He asks surprised, "What? You haven't already heard?"

I am confused, "Heard what?"

He emphasizes his last name, "I'm Chris Chambers. Chambers."

"What so bad about being Chris Chambers?"

He looks at his watch, "I should get you home Jamie. It's late" And then he starts his truck.

"Whatever you say Chris," I shrug. Pushing Chris would just put him off and that was something I didn't want. I like him, as a friend, of course. Chris seems like a very casual and understanding guy. What was he talking about when he said or emphasized, 'Chambers?' Did he do something wrong? Was he a player? I don't care because the Chris Chambers I've just met was a nice guy. I am strangely confident with Chris Chambers however I knew I would be lying down in bed analysing this whole night and not speaking to him the next day because I feared that I sounded like a crazy moron.

The only word exchanged between us on the way home was when Chris asked me where I lived. He stops outside my Grandma's house. I wait before I get out for him to say something to me and he did, "Crazy night huh?"

"Very. I really Bella and Gordie have reasoned," I thought about how mad and hurt she was.

"Me too…" Silence.

"It was nice to meet you, Chris," I smile.

"It was nice to meet you to Jamie," Chris replies. I walk to the front door and turn around to see him still parked in front of my house staring straight. He turns his head and puts his hand up without waving it. I smile and put my hand up then I unlock the door. Going inside, I gently shut it behind me. Bella's face came to mind and that hurt and shock made me feel down. Tomorrow, I would go find her.

I walk into the front room to see my Grandma turn from the window. She snaps angrily, "Where have you been?!"


	9. A Little Insight

"Gran, I was out with some friends that I've made," I told her honestly. I was scared and shocked because I'd never seen Gran act like this before. Ever. She is such a peaceful and calm woman and I've obviously ticked her off. Hoping that I haven't made her really mad or angry I apologize. "I'm sorry Gran," I said quietly.

She angrily points out, "I waited for you for an hour!"

I stutter, "I-I'm s-s-s-sorry-y Gran." I'm this close to bursting into tears and then my Gran howls with laughter. I wipe my eye and stare at her laughing at my sad self. I ask, bewildered at her sudden anger to sudden happiness, "Gran?"

She says through joyful tears, "You should have seen your face Jamie!" She roars with more laughter, "Oh, you never fail to amuse me darling." Gran plops down on the sofa as her laughter slowly quietens

I jokingly scold, "Gran!" I walk over and sit next to her, "You scared the living daylights out of me!" She wraps an arm around my shoulder and I take her hand.

"You're reaction was hilarious!" I laugh with Grandma. She adds excitedly, "So you made some friends?"

"Yeah, her names Bella. She is a really nice girl," I said.

Grandma questions, "Bella Brower?"

"Yeah," I say. I'm not really surprised that Grandma knows Bella. Castle Rock is a small town and as Bella puts it, "Everybody knows everybody."

"Awful what happened to her twin," Grandma said sadly.

I act like I don't know anything, "Her twin?"

"Got knocked out by a train," Grandma explained.

"That's awful," I said sadly thinking of Bella. She is such a bubbly, bright and kind person. It must have been difficult to lose your other half.

Gran changes the subject, "So anyone else?"

"Yeah," I look down shyly.

"Hmmm, I know that look. You've met a boy haven't you," She teased.

I deny, "No. Well yes. He's just a friend."

Gran pushes, "And what's this friends name?"

"Chris Chambers," I smiled.

"Christopher? Oh he's lovely. Rough background though I must say," Grandma said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well his father is a drunk but luckily for the kids and their mother he doesn't live with them anymore. He kind of took off one night and never came back. Anyway he would beat them black and blue, especially Chris. Chris is a charming young fella. He runs errands for me from time to time. His mother, bless her soul, is a really nice women and she works down at the bakery. She's really turned her life and the kids' lives around but still the family get ridiculed by a few of the people living in Castle Rock. But mainly by the rich snobs who live up on the View. They look down on the Chambers family. Consider them white trash," Grandma explained. It was all coming together now about why Chris emphasized his name and refused to talk about it. Why he was glad I didn't know about 'Chambers.'

Grandma huffs, "Chris has more heart in one toe than those people have in their entire body. He's a real friend. The kind you want to be making around here."

No wonder he seemed a little mysterious. I want to speak to Chris and tell him that the only judgements I listen to are my own and how I know what it's like to feel like the world is against you. Okay, maybe not the last part. I just want to assure him that he has a friend in me no matter how much he made me question and think about myself and my life. He obviously didn't mean to do it but what he said bugged me. After all, he was right…

"You speak highly of Chris," I told Grandma.

"He's a nice boy," Grandma replied.

With that, I kissed my Gran good night and got into the shower. The warm water rains onto my skin making me shiver slightly. As the water pours on me, I feel refreshed however tonight events race through my mind. I was still worrying about Bella. Was she alright? Did Gordie and her work things out or at least try? Obviously, patching up after such a shocking revelation was going to take a while. I close my eyes and let the falling water drown out my thoughts.

Lifting the covers, I practically jump into bed. Gazing up at the ceiling, my thoughts wander back to Chris. His words, "Life's what you make it," stay on my mind. But I'm too tired now to think anything of it. I'm literally drained both emotionally and physically for now so I switch of the lamp and close my eyes. Bliss.


	10. Authors Note

I realized I've wrote that Jamie's birthday is on November 21st, when it is really July 21st because she is already sixteen. Sorry guys!


	11. We Feel Like Crap

The next day, I skip breakfast so I could go find Bella. But where to look? I don't even know where Chris or Gordie live but I figured it won't be hard to find them because it's a close knit community in a small town. I find myself walking the streets for at least an hour until I come across Vern and Teddy sitting on a bench outside Sallason's Ice Creams. I dash towards them, waving like a maniac. I call, "Teddy! Vern!" I finally reach them, catching my breath.

Vern asks, worried, "Hi Jamie, what's wrong?"

I reply, "There's nothing wrong with me but there is something wrong with you guys." I already figured out they didn't know that Gordie revealed their secret to Bella because of how casual and calm they seem to be.

Teddy asks, confused, "What do you mean?"

I sigh, "Long story short; Gordie told Bella that you boys went to go find her dead brother's body when you were twelve." Teddy and Vern's cheerful faces skyrocketed to outrage. Vern's eyes widened in worry and the frown lines in Teddy's forehead were becoming more apparent.

Teddy exclaims, bewildered, "What?!"

"Oh man this is bad," Vern commented anxiously.

Teddy stands up, obviously infuriated, as he exclaims, "We made a pact! How could he?! That asshole!"

Vern agreed, "We made a deal! Oh shit, Bella isn't going to talk to us again. Ronnie isn't going to want to know me! Shit, we have to fix this." Vern's voice was laced panic and he appeared so agitated I wondered if he would start to cry.

I pipe up after listening to their hysteria, "You guys need to go talk to Bella. You need to guide me to her house so you can explain yourselves. I'm going to help you."

"No, I can't go see her," Teddy disagreed.

I probe, "Why not?"

"I can't! She ain't going to want to know anything anyway! Just let it be!"

I respond, a little enraged, "That's a pussy talking! Be a man Teddy! As long as you go and apologize at least you've tried. She will forgive you in time but for now you need to do the heavy lifting. She deserves that much don't you think?"

"I'll go Jamie," Vern said sadly looking down at the floor.

"Let's go then Vern," I smile, a little, at him and we start to walk off.

Teddy calls, "Wait!" We both immediately turn to face Teddy running towards us, "I'll do it."

I praise, "You're being very brave Teddy. She will forgive you." Vern and Teddy are guiding me to Bella's house and not a word between us is exchanged. Something tells me that Vern and Teddy are too wrapped up in their own thoughts and how to handle the situation rather than conversing with each other. Both boys hold their heads in shame. Bella, obviously, is a very special and crucial person in their lives. My thoughts start to travel back to Gordie and how devastated he must feel. The truth never makes people happy but seems solves everything. That's why we, as humans, tell lies because the truth is so shocking that it hurts the people around us. So why do we do the things we do if we know we will hurt our loved ones? Because we don't want to hurt them? We tell lies because it's what _we_ want to hear.

Teddy asks, randomly, "Why are you helping us? I mean you don't even know us." Teddy seemed much shaken up by this whole incident. Wow, he really cares a lot about Bella.

"Bella was the first person in this town that made me feel like I kinda belonged. She made me feel comfortable because obviously it's hard moving somewhere where you don't know anybody. She treated me like she'd known me for years. She is kind and I want to help her," I tell them then add, "And you guys."

"You're a kind person," Vern said.

"I don't know about that but thank you," I said, coyly.

We finally reach Bella's home. Finally. As we approach the house, we all hear sounds coming from the alley on the side of the garage attached to her home, "Come here." It's Chris with a distraught looking Gordie. We all hurry towards him and Teddy lunges for Gordie, his eyes full of rage, "You asshole!"

As Vern tries to pull Teddy away from a helpless Gordie, Chris intervenes, "Hey man it's not his fault." Chris stands in front of Gordie and sighs, "Look man, given the circumstances, he had no choice. Ace was after Jamie," He motions towards me, "And after what he did to us we panicked alright."

A calmer Teddy wonders, "Why is Ace after Jamie."

This time I intervene, "This is not about me! This is about you guys seeking forgiveness so I suggest one of you, at least, gather up the courage and go talk to her."

Chris argues, "We've been waiting outside of her house since 9 o'clock!"

"Yes waiting but not actually achieving anything," I argue back.

Chris huffs, "What do you expect us to do? She won't listen to us. We were knocking till late last night until her mom told us to leave."

"Keep trying! If you guys care about her more than you think then you will break… the… door down," I exclaimed. Maybe breaking down the door was a little far-fetched but exaggeration worked.

"At least we have tried," Gordie shot at me.

"Well try harder," I push. What has gotten into me? Why was I so aggravated? I looked around at the four boys who seemed pretty pissed off with my outbursts.

"We can do it. We don't need your help," Gordie said tastelessly.

"I'm only trying to help," I explained.

"Yeah well we don't need your help if all you're going to do is bark at us," Teddy remarked, irritated.

"Look Jamie," Chris says in a sharp tone, "We've tried. And we are going to keep trying. We're tensed enough and you're just making it worse." I could feel my cheeks becoming warmer and warmer and then my face was burning in embarrassment. What the hell was wrong with me?! But I was only trying to help… I've seemed to come on a bit too strong for my liking and theirs. It took all my strength, what little of it was left, to prevent the tears falling from my eyes. They all looked at me with expressions that burst agitation and irritation. Chris says, almost regretfully but I knew that was just me hoping he regretted these words, "Stay out of it Jamie. It's bad enough and you're making us feel worse. Just go." He looks away from me with his hands on his hips avoiding my mortified expression. Some part of me felt the Chris was only saying this because of how bad the rest of the boys felt. On the other hand, I felt like a complete hypocrite. Why was I pushing and trying to help people when I can't even help myself? None of this made sense to me so I follow my instincts and decide to walk away. I hear Teddy say to the others, "Good riddance." The tear escapes my left eye as I take to my feet. I was wrong; this was the peak of utter humiliation.

**Third Point Of View**

Chris says, annoyed, "Shut up Teddy."

Teddy replies, astonished, "What? She was making us feel like shit and she sounded like a bitch. And this is all her fault anyway. Whatever she's done to Ace and why the hell you morons got involved is the reason we're in this mess! She called me a pussy. Bitch doesn't even know me!"

Vern corrects, "Actually Teddy, she says you're talking _like _a pussy."

Teddy sneers, "What do you know? If anything, you're the one she should have called 'pussy.'" Vern lunges for Teddy only to be pulled back by Chris who shouts, "Knock it off, both of you!" Vern is now on top of Teddy having broken out of Chris's grip.

Gordie says quietly, "Stop it." And then he says at the top of his voice, "Stop it!" Gordie glares at Teddy, Vern & Chris who look shocked at Gordie's outburst. "Can you guys please, for once, just stop it? I could lose Bella and all you lot can do is argue! We're not twelve years old anymore! Grow the hell up," He orders speaking to Vern and Teddy. About an hour passed before the guys decide to go knock the door.

Chris, Teddy & Vern follow Gordie silently to Bella's front door. Gordie takes a moment before he knocks. He turns to face them all, "Please guys, I can't lose her."

They all nod and then Gordie turns back round to knock the door. An exhausted and emotionally drained Isabella Brower opens the door. Her wide smile is no longer apparent and the look of happiness has been completely shadowed by disappointment. Gordie looks into tear filled eyes of his girlfriend and stares back cursing himself for being the one who put Bella in this condition. She leaves the door open and motions them all to come in.

In the living room, a sense of awkwardness quickly arouses. Gordie is looking at his hands. Bella is glaring at all the boys.

Bella scolds loudly getting off her seat, "I'm really pissed that you idiots never told me about Ray. It sucks and I am so hurt that the four people I trust more than anything kept such a huge secret from me. I can't believe you guys never once thought to tell me! Chris! I thought you would have at least been man enough to say something," She shot at Chris.

Chris clears his throat, "Bella, we want to tell you that we're sorry and that we didn't mean to hurt you. We didn't even know you but regardless it was-,"

Teddy interrupts, "Stupid! We are so sorry Bella! We didn't know any better please!"

Vern interjects, "Forgive us please!"

Bella sighs in defeat. She did try to stay strong against the boys and was to let her anger linger on for a little longer however she couldn't. She knew they didn't mean to do it. It was as if it all made sense now and someone came to clear her vision, "Guys… I get that you were young and naïve. What hurt was you didn't even try to tell me… but I know you didn't want to hurt me. I'm actually happy you lot found the body rather than Ace. You guys were the reason why Ray got the burial he deserved and why his body was treated…appropriately. And how you're practically begging how can I not forgive you?"

Chris, Teddy & Vern says in unison, "What?"

"I forgive you," Bella confirmed.

"But so quickly? I mean-," Vern asked confused. Teddy and Chris shot a look at Vern which basically said 'Shut up!'

"We will never keep anything from you again Bella," Chris promised, "Ever!"

"You better not," Bella warned. Chris went over to hug Bella who cried in his arms. Chris shushed her and Teddy and Vern cam over to hug Bella to. Bella embraces both Vern and Teddy and says, "Can I please talk to Gordie."

"Sure, come on guys," He motions towards Teddy and Vern leading them to the door. Gordie, who hadn't said a word during the whole confrontation, stood up. He had been staring lost at his hands the whole while because he was so ashamed of himself.

He says, "Bella, I'm so sorry."

She asks staring at him sadly, "Why couldn't you have told me Gordie? You had all of those chances."

Gordie replies, "I never told you because I didn't want to hurt you. And because it was a tough time for me to. I kind of blocked your brothers body out of my head because it reminded too much of how my brother died. I just wanted to be happy and I am with you."

Bella cries and Gordie goes over to take her in his arms. She backs away, "No. No. Listen to me. If you ever keep anything from me again, it's over. You hear me? Over." She doesn't look into his eyes and slams his chest. "Don't keep anything from me again Gordie," She begged, sobbing. He takes her into his arms and hugs her tightly. A tear streams down his cheek and he wipes it away but another falls. "I won't," He promised in a broken voice.

"I love you," She looks up to him, her face stained with tears.

"I love you too," He replies sincerely. He strokes her cheek and places a kiss on her lips. She wraps her arms around his neck and deepens the kiss.


	12. The First Day Of School

**Thank you to all my readers! Reviews? Sorry I keep alternating POVs but the story just kind of makes more sense that way. **

SCHOOL?! Oh my gosh, school today! NOO! The voices are literally screaming in my head and my nerves begin to increase. After everything that has happened this week, I think keeping people out of my life is the best solution because I can't trust myself. I don't know how to react around people and its scares me. It's embarrassing. I'm not going to let people know me until I figure out who I am. My identity seems to have vanished with time and I'm questioning everything about myself. Being a teenager so far has sucked!

I decide what to wear for school as soon as I get out of the shower. I decide on a plain white vest top under a dark navy blue jumper with black skinny jeans. I look in the mirror and sigh picking up my black side bag and go downstairs. If I could stay in the room for the rest of my life, trust me, I would. Confined within the walls of my room, my comfort and my peace. Aaaah bliss. Unfortunately, there is a little thing that's going to get me somewhere decent in life - school.

Grandma takes an empty plate away from me to wash, "You ready for your first day honey?"

"Err yeah I think," I lie. Hell no! I wasn't ready for anything. If only summer went on a little bit longer. Yeah, like I'd be ready. No one is ever really prepared for the first day school because the day is what it is- unexpected.

"You'll be fine Jamie. It's scary, I know, but you'll be fine. You've already made friends so that's should be of some assurance," She assures me. Yeah right. People who don't even want to know me.

"That's true…" I wonder off.

"Jamie?"

I snap back to reality, "Can I take my car?"

"Yeah honey. Want to go start it up? I'll open the garage door for you," Grandma said.

"Okay," I get off my seat and walk towards the door that leads to the garage. Opening it, I look at my baby and spread my arms over the hood. I say merrily, "I've missed you!" I get into my car as light starts to awaken the dark garage. I start to reverse out of the driveway as Grandma shouts, "Be careful honey!"

I call, waving, "Bye Gran!" This is the life however my destination wouldn't be nearly as fun as my journey. But it always is like that isn't. The journey is where you learn, where you fall, where you rise and when you live. Again, the wind whips gently though my hair and my music plays. This was the therapy I needed. Why didn't I think of this before? Had I done this yesterday I could have been driving all day wherever and whenever. Instead of drawing attention to myself, I park in the Blue Point Diner car park which is ten minutes away from the school which I'd already seen when I first drove through Castle Rock. I get out and pull the cover up so the car is safe during the day. It takes me ten minutes to walk to the school which is already surrounded my loads of kids chatting before they go to their home rooms. Right, I have to find the office. I avoid all stares as I walk to the entrance of the school. I look up to see a young boy dressed in a white shirt and black trousers. He smirks at me as he opens the door which I quietly thank him for. I take a deep breath once I get into the school only to see loads of kids talking at their lockers with their friends. Oh shit. Where the hell is this office? I walk with my head down through the hallway and turn to the right. A bright sign reads 'Office.' I walk in and ask for my timetable. The receptionist greets me and wishes me, "A good day."

"Thank you," I smile. Sort of.

My home room is in E4. Where the hell is E4? I'm walking in front of two freshman who are wondering where E3 is. I decide to follow them because they probably have more of a chance of finding it then I do. E3 of course has to be near E4. They probably think I'm a creep but much to my content, they don't even notice me. They seem to be as nervous and scared as I was. One of them shouts and run towards E3 as soon as the bell rings. "There!" I follow and I too run with them, fearing that I too was going to be late however a little more slowly. As soon as I reach the class, I bump into something hard. I look up and it is….CHRIS! I swear this is not funny anymore. How many times can I embarrass myself in front of this boy?! This is getting beyond a joke and a little beyond the valley of ridiculous! I don't even look at Chris when I murmur, "Sorry." I walk into E4 to a classroom full of teens gawking at me. Take me back to my car please!

I scan the room and my eyes meet an empty seat at the back of the classroom next to the window. Perfect. I sit down and meet Chris's eyes. We have the same home room together? This situation would be even worse if Gordie, Teddy and & Vern walked in but luckily just Gordie and Bella did. 'Luckily.' Gordie goes over to Chris who is talking to a group of boys. Bella sits in the desk next to me.

"Hey Bella," I greeted.

"Hey Jamie," She said, "This is so great. We're in home room together. Savannah and Ronnie got stuck with Pervie Peterson." She laughed.

I ask, "He's actually called that?"

"Hell yeah. He's known for his special back rubs," She giggled. And I laughed with her looking at my timetable.

"I have him for English," I said.

"Good luck. Make sure your bras on tight," She joked and then leaned in seriously, "Thank you for everything."

I reply, "Don't mention it."

"It's just-," She started but is interrupted by the sound of a teacher entering the room.

"Welcome class now let's see who we have," She set her bag on the table and scans the room, "Aah well I think I like this class. And I hear we have a newcomer." Oh no! My eyes stay wide as I look left and right. People turn to face me as Bella smiles at me. "Jamie Sawyer," She introduced me. I nod gently and she adds, "I'm Mrs Dale. Right now let's get started." I lean back in my seat and sigh in relief. I thought she was going to make me introduce myself to the class and that's the crap I hate. What was I going to say really?

As the whole 'Welcome back. Work hard' routine wore on I found myself gazing out of the window. It was a beautiful day in sunny Castle Rock with a gentle breeze flowing and smell of freshly mown grass circulating in the air. That was on the outside… however on the inside the stuffy old classroom is a bunch of teens with their heads resting on their firsts or laid on their crossed arms that sat lazily on the desk. Instead of going home, I would go for a drive. Grandma would still be at work in her the flower shop she owns. It was a peaceful quiet job which she says she loves. She says it gives her something to do and has done well during the twenty years she has owned it. This whole settling into school thing lasted until lunch believe it or not. The worst three hours of my life which consisted of different teachers coming in with different lectures and Chris occasionally glancing at me. AWKWARD.

As soon as the bell rang I immediately left the classroom for some fresh air. Shit, Bella. But I needed air fast! Once I was outside, I sat on a bench outside and took a deep breath. Freedom.

**Third person**

Teddy, Vern, Savannah and Ronnie were already sitting down. They all chat about their home rooms and remark on how boring that three hour lecture was. "Eurgh Pervy Peterson was next to be through most of it. Disgusting old perv," Ronnie commented. As Savannah, Teddy, Vern & Ronnie carry on with the conversation, Bella pulls Chris and Gordie aside. "I'm a little worried about Jamie," Bella said.

Chris and Gordie looked at each other and Gordie sighed, "We kind of told her to get lost."

Bella says, "What?"

"She was making us feel even worse than we were already feeling when we told you about Ray and I snapped okay. I didn't mean to but I was just pissed," Gordie stated defensively.

"Look we were being assholes when we told her to go away but she kept pushin and we already felt like shit," Chris explained and then adds, "Teddy called her a bitch."

"Wow, you guys are amazing," Bella shook her head as she complemented sarcastically and then fumes, "She's the reason why I forgave you morons!"

Chris and Gordie say in unison, "What?"

Bella calls, irritated, over to Teddy and Vern who are now alone at the table, "Teddy! Vern! Get over here now!"

Teddy sighs heavily, "What you got your panties in a twists about now?"

"Care to explain why you were so rude to Jamie?"

"She was being a bitch," Teddy shrugged.

"I didn't say shit," Vern protested.

Teddy says lazily resting on the bench, "Why do you care anyway, Bella?"

Bella exclaims, "You are an ass Teddy. She's the only reason why I forgave you guys."

"What did she do," Chris asked, intrigued.

**1****st**** September 1963**

_**Jamie knocks the door rapidly as she says loudly, "Bella, it's me Jamie." She quickly looks to the left to make sure the boys are nowhere in sight. They still must moaning and groaning in the alley. Bella opens the door, "What are you doing here, Jamie?"**_

_**Jamie tells, "I need to talk to you."**_

"_**If it's about what happened yesterday Jamie I really don't want to talk about," Bella said gently her voice quiet and not quite…full. **_

"_**Please listen to me, Bella," Jamie begged. **_

_**Bella presumes, "They've sent you haven't they?"**_

_**Jamie denies, "No. No, they haven't." Bella sighs heavily and then allows Jamie to come in. She leads Jamie to the living room and asks her to take a seat. Jamie stares silently at Bella before she begins, "I know you're hurt and angry and believe me you have every right to be. I'd be pissed to but you have to know something." Jamie takes a deep breath and hopes that what she is saying has some effect on Bella, "When they went to go find your brother's…body," Jamie tries to find the right words because she doesn't want to make Bella feel any worse, "they were just kids. Chris, last night, told me that what they went for when they went in search of the body wasn't what they expected when they actually discovered it. Chris said it changed them all and they realised what they were doing was wrong. They were just twelve year old boys who wanted to be heroes but I don't think they realised that they were. When they found the body instead of turning it in for fame they made a call. They prevented Ace from taking it. And come on would you rather them handle the body or Ace? I mean who knows what he would have done with it you know?" **_

_**Bella wasn't looking at Jamie. The tears were falling down her eyes but Jamie carried on, "You need to realise that they think of the world of you and they genuinely care about you. They just…didn't want to hurt you. Now I've known them and you for a day and even I can see how ashamed they are. They care about you Bella and I know it's hard but you gotta look at it another way. They saved your brother from the wrong intentions of Ace and his gang."**_

_**Jamie went over to hug Bella who was sobbing. "I know it's hard but you will get through this. There's a…" Jamie's own voice started to break because she never did believe this saying, "light at the end of the tunnel." Jamie took a deep breath and wiped her eyes when she started to think of her own mother. **_

"_**Thank you," Bella let go and looked up at Jamie, "You know I haven't known you for a long time, not even twenty four hours," She laughed gently but there was no sight humour in her voice, "but I already consider you a good friend."**_

"_**And if I didn't feel the same I wouldn't be here," Jamie smiled. **_

**Present Day- 4****th**** September 1963**

Teddy murmurs, "Now I feel like shit." Chris Chambers turns his head to Jamie Danvers who has her head buried in a book. He curses himself repeatedly.


	13. A Tradition

I can hear footsteps coming nearer and suddenly the sun disappears. I frown as I look up but that soon disappears once I see who blocks the sun. It was Teddy, Gordie and Vern. Teddy apologises, "I'm sorry, Jamie, for calling you a bitch."

I ask, chuckling, "You called me a bitch?"

Gordie elbowed Teddy and murmurs, "Wet end," then tells me, "I'm sorry, Jamie, for being an idiot. Can we please draw a line under all of this?"

"Well I was," I answer Teddy and then tell all of them, "Look, I'm sorry too. I get a little carried away sometimes," I shrug, "And I forgive you."

"I'm sorry too," Vern smiled softly. Vern is an innocent soul who has his heart in the right place. His intentions were never meant to hurt or were bad. I really like Vern.

"It's okay," I smile, "Let's just forget this."

Teddy says, "Yes, lets and to make it up to you can I take you to the diner?"

I ask, "The diner?"

"Yeah, everyone kinda goes after the first day so you can come with _us_. _All_ of us," Gordie shot a look at Teddy.

"Okay," I accept.

"See you there," Teddy winks. As all three of them walk off I hear Vern scold Teddy, "Why you gotta make her feel so uncomfortable?"

Gordie agrees, "Teddy you're an ass at times."

"Please. She digs me," Teddy boasts. Trailing behind them, I roll my eyes chuckling at Teddy. Again, someone with good intentions however a little more open then Vern.

School carried on pretty smoothly much to my content. The last two lessons of the day consist of History and Spanish. Luckily, I wasn't made to introduce myself or tell the class about myself. History is a very fascinating subject. I love learning about American History and British History and about the two World Wars.

I'm walking back to the Blue Point diner to put my bag in my car. I hear Gordie call, "Jamie! Come on!" He walks back into the diner and I hurry towards the door. Already, the diner is covered in teens who are in conversation. My knees start to tremble and palms become increasingly sweaty. I look around and I can feel all on eyes on me even though there not. I feel my face become hot and anxiety makes my stomach do summersaults. Looking around, I see everyone in their own little groups laughing, gossiping or just tossing general banter. No, this was too new to me! I've got so used to being alone, maybe I don't know how to talk to people anymore… Turning on my heel, I immediately exit the diner because I feel as if I'm about to throw up. There was too many people and I started to feel terrified. How can I hold a conversation with them?

"Jamie?"

I turn quickly, "Bella, hey!" I look at her with a fake smile plastered on my face when inside I'm breaking. It was becoming even harder to keep up this false pretence but the real me, the sad depressed me, would just make people think I'm weird. If you poked my face right now, it would crack into a million pieces.

Bella motions towards the diner, "Are you coming in?"

"Err, I don't know. I think I should go I…," I trailed off.

She declares, putting on an English accent, "You are officially a resident of Castle Rock therefore you will abide the traditions!"

I laugh, "Are you sure? Are Gordie and the rest still mad at me?" Still, I was worried that they hadn't forgiven me and that felt compelled to hang around me because Bella likes me. If she likes me. She probably feels sorry for me. I tell my mind, "OH SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID MIND!" And then I push myself, "Come on Jamie. New starts remember?" Why the hell am I talking to myself in my mind? Hold on I'm talking to my mind? Oh forget this shit, get inside!

Bella says, in her English accent, "Get in peasant!" I laugh as I follow her in.

In the diner, Bella, Ronnie and I are all sitting in station in the corner. Ronnie remarks, "Oh my God, Savannah's boyfriend is such a ditz!"

Bella chuckles "What's he done now?"

She shoots back, "What hasn't he done? Asshole! Do you know he told Savannah that I was a fat pig with a big mouth?!"

Bella exclaims, "What?!"

"Yeah! I mean I might not be stick thin but at least I have some meat on my bones! Man, next time I see that wet end I'm gonna pound the skuzz!" Ronnie was chubby girl who always seems to have a smile on her face. I admire her confidence and her fire. I'm just sitting here quietly amused at Ronnie's outburst.

"Alright, calm down Ronnie, eat your burger," Bella said laughing.

Ronnie accuses, "You always stick for him! What do you think, Jamie?"

I say, "Me? I err I think that he should apologize?" It came out as more of a question but I didn't intend for it to do so.

Ronnie slams the table, "Yes, I agree! Thank you, Jamie for saying something that helps." She narrows her eyes to Bella playfully scrunching her face at her. Bella scrunches it back and lightly slaps Ronnie's back as she hurries past.

"Sorry about that," Bella says, "Ronnie really doesn't get along with Trent Davis. Mind you, he can be an ass but what can you do?" She turns her head to Savannah's table, "If she likes him, she likes him." Bella faces me and shrugs her shoulders.

"Don't be. She's nice and pretty funny," I smiled.

The afternoon wore on and the sky started to blacken. The diner was a bit quieter than earlier but still I kinda found some comfort until Chris walks in with his girlfriend. What was her name? Laura? She's a tall girl, nowhere near taller than Chris, with long legs. Her silky long blond hair is twirling in her fingers. I'd never seen a real life Barbie until now. The way people ogle them is as if The Beatles had just walked in. Like they were royalty.

"Hey," The same boy who opened the door for me at school came up to Bella and I. I look at Bella figuring he was talking to her. "Hello," He said again.

"Me? Oh hi," I sort of laugh.

"Hi," He chuckles. "Bella," He nods.

"Hi Jason," She smiles, "I'm going to talk to Gordie." After Bella gets up and walks away Jason takes her seat.

"So I've never seen you round here before," He said.

"I just moved," I reply looking up at him. He's very handsome. He has piercing brown eyes that appear dark and alluring. He runs his hand through his dark brown ruffled hair. Resting his lean muscular arms on the table, he asks, "Oh really. Where from?"

"Fairhaven." He seems decent. A moment passes.

"You're pretty," He said bluntly which kinda takes me aback.

I stutter, trying to shield my smile, "I-I-I err, thanks."

"It's okay," He smirks. We stare at each other for a while until I burst into laughter. I say chuckling, "I'm sorry but that's just so random. Do you say that to all the girls?"

He teases, "No, in fact you're the first one and it got you to laugh so it must be working. I mean you were sitting with a sad look on your face so I though why not." He shrugs.

"You've been watching me," I ask, amused.

He raises her eyebrows, "So you admit it?"

"Admit what?"

"That you are sad. Bella borin you with her chatter?"

I say abruptly, "No! And you must have been blind because we were because we were both…chattering," I try to the right word. He laughs at me and so do I. From the corner of my eye, I see Chris staring at Jason and I. I don't look because then we'll be locked in an awkward eye contact.

"Jason Daniels," He introduces.

"Jamie Sawyer," I reply.

"Jamie Sawyer you are even prettier when you laugh," He doesn't let go of my hand that he just shook.

"Well I have to go now… Jason Daniels. I'll...see you," I let go of his hand and get up. As I start to walk away, he presumes, "So there's a next time?"

Oh shit I giggle, "Maybe." I bite my lip as I start to blush.

As I walk out of the diner, I walk past Chris. Something weird always happens round Chris. Why am I such a klutz around him? Plus, if something bad were to happen, it would happen in front of a load of kids who I have to spend at the next two years with! And I'd rather that not happen. I've had enough embarrassment! As I walk out, I see Bella wave at me as she walks up to Chris. I wave back.

Once, I'm outside I hurry to my car. I pull the cover down and get in. Oh man it is hot in the diner. I decide to go for a little drive to cool down. I prefer my car without the cover/roof because it's just feels so much freer that way. I feel free. I pull out until I hear my name, "Jamie!"

"Chris?"


	14. Car Rides & The Beatles

"I knew you were feisty but I didn't think you were rebellious," He exclaims. His head is turning from left to right with worry written all over his face.

I ask, frowning, "What are you doing?"

"Just get out of the car," He orders.

I turn in my seat and retort, "Chris, did it ever occur to you that this is my car?"

He stops looking around says, "What?"

I exclaim, "It's my car asshole!"

"Prove it," He crosses his arms. I sigh heavily and open the glove compartment and show my driving licence and a picture that I didn't even look at.

I say, annoyed, "Satisfied?"

"Okay okay, I'm sorry. It was a mistake," He apologizes. I shove the drivers licence and the picture into the glove compartment and slam it shut.

He leans to arms on the passenger seat door and smiles, "I'm sorry. Can I have a ride?"

I retort, "Sorry, you might get caught and sent to the can with me because apparently I stole this car." I speed off in an angry manner and then sigh and drive all the way back round the car park to where Chris is standing. I feel like punching that smirk right of his face.

I sigh, "Get in."

He smirks and jumps into my car. "Thank you," He adds, "Nice wheels by the way."

"Yes, a nice car that I stole," I remark sarcastically. After, I whack Chris on the arm and he yelps, "Hey, whad'ya do you that for?"

"For calling me feisty! I'm not feisty," I say driving out of the car park.

"Yeah, you're a big bowl of sunshine," He marks sarcastically.

I narrow my eyes as I threaten, "Do you want me to throw your ass out of this car?"

"I'm kidding," He playfully slaps me and I shoot him a look and his smirk vanishes. From the corner of my eye, I can see him smiling. Actually smiling and not smirking. I start the engine and drive off.

I switch on the stereo and press play. I knew the tape in there is a Beatles one, my favourite band at this moment in time. 'Thank You Girl' starts to play. Chris says, "You like The Beatles?"

"Yes, and if you don't you're just giving me giving me another reason to kicky your scrawny butt out of this car," I say then chuckle.

"Of course I do! Who doesn't love the Fab Four? Their stuff is best thing goin nowadays," He exclaims.

"Trust me," I agree. "HE LIKES THE BEATLES," my mind screams. I tell my mind, "Who doesn't like The Beatles dumbass?" Then Chris starts singing the tune quietly to himself. I look at him grinning and he catches me. Shit. He asks, "What?"

"Nothing," I turn my head and then add, "You're a good singer." His singing voice is smooth and melodic. Do I like this guy? No, I don't! Maybe I do? No! No I don't! I think…

He replies, "Thanks."

A moment passes. "You're going to have to guide me to your house because I'm not too familiar with the roads around here yet," I tell him looking straight ahead.

"Okay, just carry on straight and take the first left you see and just carry on," He instructed.

"Alright."

"I'll tell you when to stop," He added.

After a moment Chris says, "I saw you talkin to Jason Daniels."

"Oh yeah," I saw mindlessly. And I saw you looking. I turn left.

He warns "I just wanted to tell you to be careful. He may not be as menacing as Ace but he's just as bad. Stop here." I stop.

Instead of creating more awkwardness between Chris and I, I decide to thank him for the advice, "Thanks. I'll keep that…in mind."

"Thanks for the lift," His face was suddenly serious and he was frowning down at himself. As he got out he ran his hands through his hair and I swear I saw him slap his forehead. He turns back to me, and says, "I hope you return that car. I mean you did steal it." I could hear the sarcasm in his voice and I chuckle.

"Will do Chris," I joke.

"Your cars' pretty neat. And again thanks for the ride. Thank you girl," He winks cheekily and goes walks up the stairs leading to the front door of his house.

I sit and just stare at him, dumbfounded. Was he flirting using a Beatles song? "That's hot," I thought to myself. Shut up Jamie. He has a girlfriend. As if he was flirting with _**you**_! Suddenly, I start to feel really hot and my breathing becomes louder. My eyes widen at the flashback of Chris and I and our car ride. In front of people, I was impulsive and just said whatever came to mind but when I was alone, I literally hate myself. I feel embarrassed and wonder what they were thinking about me. Sometimes, when I'm in front of people, I act a little too overconfident and then I cry over how much of an idiot I was and I feel humiliated. Now I know I'm not going to stop re-visiting these events in my mind and analysing them to the max. Kill me now, please. And I whacked him too! Aw man, he's going to think I'm a right loon. "No," I groan letting my head fall onto the steering wheel.

"Jamie?" I look up and my eyes widen even more. Chris is standing beside my car.

"Hey Chris," I say slowly and calmly.

He asks chuckling, "Are you okay?"

I bite my lip then reply, "I'm I'm I'm great." THESE NERVES NEED TO PISS OFF RIGHT NOW!

He asks, smiling, "What are you still doing here?"

"I erm was picking a suitable song…for my drive….home," I say, improvising.

He laughs, "You want a specific song?"

I shrug, "Yeah, you know it sets the mood." Oh my gosh, I'm such a loser. But I wasn't going to say that I'm having a nervous breakdown was I?!

"Aah look there we are," I smile at the radio. 'Love Me Do' is playing and I speak quickly, "Goodbye Chris. See you later." I zoom off down the road.

**Third Point Of View**

Chris says loudly, "See ya Jamie!" Chris goes back into the house and sees his little sister run towards him. She squeals, "Cwiss!"

"Emery," He picks her up and holds the little girl in the air as he twirls round in a circle.

She asks, "Who was that?"

"My friend," Chris answers.

"Ohhhh," She says cutely and sucks her thumb.

Chris ask with a playful frown on his face, "Hey, what are you still doing up Em? Let's get you to bed."

"Sowie Cwiss, I can't sweep,"

Chris walks up the stairs with Emery, "You can't sweep huh? Well neither can I."

"No, Cwiss. I mean sweep. Sweep" Chris enter Emery's room.

"Okay, let's tuck you in." Chris lays Emery down and tucks her in.

"Cwiss! Song! Pweese," She begs.

"Okay," He chuckles removing his shoes. Chris tucks in next beside her as she snuggles down into his chest. "Close your eyes, Emery."

Emery closed her eyes as Chris croons the lyrics to 'Beautiful Dreamer.' He heard The Beatles sing it on television at a drive thru a while back and it seemed to have stuck in his mind ever since even though it wasn't their song. However, The Beatles could pull off anything according to Chris.

Chris croons, "Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me. Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me…" Chris stares down at Emery who is now in a deep slumber. She breathes lightly, her face angelic. Slowly, Chris starts to get up and tip toes out of the room. He reaches the door and shuts it quietly behind him. Chris sighs as he enters his room.

After showering, Chris collapses onto his bed. He stares at the ceiling with his hands pressed to the back of his head. He starts to think about his dad and how much he hated him. How the hate grew stronger every time he beat Chris. How people ridiculed and singled him out for being a 'low-life Chambers kid.' For a whole year now, Chris's life had been decent. People in town started to accept him and his family even more once his dad went AWOL and his mom is happier then she had ever. However, the taunts from some of the people who lived up on the View would took a while to fade but he didn't care. None of it mattered to him. What were they to him? Some acceptance was better than no acceptance. The family was doing well and that's all that mattered. Almost too well according to Chris. He was worried something was going to happen. Chris sighed wondering when his mind was ever going to let him rest.

Abruptly, his thought travel back to his car ride with Jamie and how dorky she acted sometimes. 'It's cute,' he thought to himself. "Chambers, you have a smokin hot girlfriend. Shut up," He scolded himself in his mind. Chris wondered why he warned her about Jason. Why did he care? He didn't.

He shakes his head at the thought of Jamie Sawyer and closes his eyes. A few streets away, Jamie Sawyer frowns nervously at the thought of Christopher Chambers.


	15. In Comes Lauren Steele

Bella walks up to me, "Hey Jamie."

"Bella, hey," I say shoving books into my locker.

"I was wonderin if Chris spoke to you."

"Yeah, I dropped him home last night," I confirm.

"Did he apologize?"

I'm puzzled for a moment and then I realise what Bella's on about. "We're fine now. I just want to forget everything that happened but thank you. I mean you sure have made my life a lot easier here," I say shutting my locker.

"As longs as you're okay. Now come on we're going to be late for home room." We both walk off to home room. I needed that. I needed someone like Bella.

Once that's over, I find Ronnie while searching the halls for my Creative Writing class and luckily she is in it. She guides me to the class and is stopped by a teacher at the door.

"Miss Jackson," She grins.

"Ronnie Keller. Always a pleasure," She says in a stern and dry voice, "Sit next to Peter Lucas."

Ronnie moaned, "Assigned seating again, miss?"

"If you a problem I can transfer you to another class. I think Geometry has a lot of empty seats," She clutches her clipboard with a wide smile on her face as she threatens Ronnie. Ronnie sighs and snatched a sheet out of Miss Jackson hands. Miss Jackson shakes her head at Ronnie and looks down at her clipboard, "Name?"

"Err Jamie Sawyer," I tell her.

She ticks my name off her list and scans the classroom, "Okay, err Jamie Sawyer, you're next to Lauren Steele, table next to the window right at the back."

"Thank you," I murmur and I go to my seat. As I sit down, a blond girl introduces herself to me, "Hi, Lauren Steele."

I look straight at her for a while and then realize I must look like a creep. I answer, "Jamie. Jamie Sawyer." So this is Chris's girlfriend. She's perfect.

She nods enthusiastically and then turns to face me, her face washed off all kindness. She repeats, "Jamie Sawyer?"

"Yeah," I nod.

She says in a friendly voice, "Did you drop Chris home yesterday?"

I say, nervously, "Yeah, he- he- he needed a lift home." Now I was worried. How did she know that? Not that it was a problem she knew that because that's all it was lift home. What was her problem?

She says to herself in an annoyed manner, "Oh so that's where he was going. Hanging around with skanks like you." She glares at me. Hold on? Where did little Miss Sunshine disappear to and who is this witch?

I stutter, "W-w-w-what a-re you talkin about? I-I just dropped him home."

She ignores me and turns her body to face me, "Do you know that I had at least five people come up to me yesterday and tell me they saw you getting a little too comfortable with Chris? Do you know how embarrassing that is? He's mine okay? Back off!"

"I just dropped him home," I try to justify myself but I could see it was of no use. It seems as if I was building on her territory seizing it for myself. She is the Queen Bee around here and believe me that this isn't the first one I've dealt with. She couldn't be as worse as Claire Gellar. Oh, what a nightmare that was!

"You expect me to believe that? Who are you anyway? You think just come and take people's boyfriends? I know your kind and I will expose you to everyone. Skank." She turns to face the front.

I stutter, "W-w-what? You don't even know me and you're making accusation-."

"Shut up," She interjects abruptly.

Miss Jackson calls over the chatter, "Attention!" I turn, hopelessly, to face the front.

"We're going to start the year off by getting to know you're partner. So on the piece of paper I gave you at the door are four lines and a question: Tell me about your partner. You've got ten minutes. Go," She instructs.

I reluctantly attempt to make conversation with this Lauren Steele who has literally insulted me, "Can you tell me about yourself."

She retorts, "My name's Lauren Steele. My boyfriend is Christopher Chambers and I'm the most popular girl in school. I'm a cheerleader and," She turns to me, "I hate boyfriend stealing sluts."

I try to explain, "All I did was drop him home. Nothing happened." I exclaim, "You don't even know me!"

She corrects, "You flirted according to my sources and I have no tolerance for that. Now you better know your place and if I see you talkin to Chris again, I will personally make sure that you have a bad time at this school." Her threat didn't faze me. Please, I've had so much worse.

"You don't even know me. Whoever said that is lying. Why don't you ask Chris what happened," I urge.

"I don't need to. I don't trust you and I really don't like you," She says bluntly.

"Nothing happened," I repeat.

"Alright times up," Miss Jackson calls over the noise, "Silence!" The whole class went quiet as Miss Jackson scans the room, "Let's start at the back with Lauren. Lauren can you tell me about Jamie please." Oh no. What is she going to say? I didn't even tell her about me. Lauren shoots up out of her seat. Oh crap, I'm now about to commit social suicide. Actually, Lauren is the one who is going to pull the trigger. She gazes down happily at me which gives me some reassurance yet frightens the hell out of me at the same time.

She starts, her voice cheerful and orotund, "This is Jamie Sawyer. For those very few of you that know her, ever questioned if you really do? The new girl to town all shy and quiet. Well guess what…" Her voice becomes serious, the cheerfulness no longer audible, "She's not! The real Jamie Sawyer, who has only been here for a few days, is a boyfriend stealing skank-,"

Miss Jackson interjects, "That's enough! Sit down Lauren!"

Lauren continues, "Girls keep your boys on a leash because this skuzz is dangerous." I froze staring up at Lauren. I did nothing. I didn't say anything because I was so mortified. My body temperature became increasingly hot and my breathing became much louder. I look down at my desk wide eyed drowning Miss Jackson's scolds and threats to Lauren. How could she be so mean to me? She didn't even know me! Nobody did… Nobody ever really tried. Everyone's attention was directly on me and I just want to dig a deep dark hole, jump in it and never come out. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as my eyes close to prevent the tears that ended up escaping anyway. I couldn't be here. I need to leave. Suddenly, I felt the walls closing in on me, my mind wanted to explode and I look up to see people ogling me. Their faces are right in front of me. I barely make out a worried voice beside me, "Are you alright? Jamie? Jamie?" And, more voices follow however I'm the only one who can these ones. A load of memories flash right before my eyes, different voices sounding from soft to rough.

"I'm going to hurt you," He threatens. He, who ruined my life.

"I love you baby. So much." My mother tells me.

I cry, "MOM! Please wake up!"

"Sometimes pain is on the inside," says Chris.

"As long as you're okay," says Bella.

"You're a trooper. Just like your mother," Gran says.

Miss Jackson's voice finally makes it through my ears, "Jamie?"

I shout, "NO!" Miss Jackson is taken aback and so are the rest of the class. I even frighten myself as I stare at the faces around me. This just wasn't about Lauren anymore. This was about my life. Is it ever going to get better? My mother lying cold and alone on the floor flashed before my eyes. The most breaking memory of them all. I breathing heavily as I start crying, "No… no." I immediately get up and run out of the classroom. Running down the hallway, I bump right into someone. "Jamie?" It is Chris. "Jamie, are you okay?" NOT CHRIS AGAIN!

"Just leave me alone Chris," I beg through my tears and run straight for the girls bathroom. Once in there, I lock myself in a cubicle and slide down the wall until I collapse onto the floor. I bury my head in my knees as I sob. I used to think a good cry numb the pain. But it didn't. That's a lie. The tears are endless and I reach a point where I start to snivel. Honestly, I didn't know how long I could go on. Today, every last bit of hope inside of me has been crushed. I've become paralyzed by the dreadful feeling of isolation. After a while, the tears slowly dry, staining my cheek and I stare at nothing. My expression is blank, emotionless, like me, and I, very slowly, start to swing my head from side to side. Take me away, please. I rub my hands against my face, using my fingers to rub my eyes. This life is not worth living anymore.

**Third POV**

Ronnie calls running up to Chris, "Chris! Have you seen Jamie?"

Chris is just as worried inside but calmly responds, "What's happened? She just stormed past me and I-"

"Your girlfriend Chris! That's what's wrong. She was mean to Jamie and then Jamie ended up having…," Ronnie frowned deeply shaking her head, "I-I-I don't even know. It was like a… panic attack. And then she ran out. I need to find her. Toilets." Ronnie starts to head to the toilets before Chris grabs hand.

Chris demanded, "What did Lauren do?"

Ronnie sighs explaining the whole situation to a stunned Chris Chambers. They both look around when the school bells rings. Chris tells, "Go find her, Ronnie. I'll talk to Lauren." The students slowly start to fill the halls.

"Good and when you've finished bring her to me! I'm going to beat the crap out of that bitch," She reply angrily.

"Calm down Ronnie. You know that's not the way," Chris says mindlessly.

Ronnie stared at Chris wondering if he that is even him. "Do you even care? Your girlfriends a heartless bitch!"

"Look just go find her," Chris commands.

Ronnie shakes her head, her forehead frowns in disgust, "Jamie was in tears Chris. You didn't see her."

Chris clenches his jaw and he storms past Ronnie to find Lauren. Just when life seemed to be getting easier, it just came right back to punch him right in the face. This time he feared he wouldn't be able to get up especially because he had so much to live for. And so many people that needed him.


	16. What Lies Beneath The Surface

**Sorry guys! It took so long for me to write but I finally have! It's just been a really busy week. Enjoy!**

Someone rapidly knocks on the door and I jump. "Jamie? Jamie, are you in there?" Its Ronnie.

I whisper, "Yeah." I stand up and wipe my cheeks. Now, I'm able to speak more clearly, "I'm fine Ronnie. I'm just… I'm good." Lie. And I knew Ronnie knew I'm lying too.

Ronnie doubts, "Open the door, Jamie, please." I take a deep breath and make sure my eyes are dry. You'd think after the countless nights I'd spent crying, my tears ducts would be dry but no. They never were. I turn the lock and open the door. My head lifts up and my eyes meet a worried Ronnie. Ronnie stares and then pulls me into a tight hug. I rest my head helplessly on her shoulder as one more tear escapes my eye. "Jamie, I'm so sorry for the way she treated you."

I lift my head and walk towards the sink looking at my hopeless self in the mirror. My eyes are red and empty and my face looks as if it's aged. I look down at the sink resting my hands on either side of it. "Its fine, Ronnie. Really. She's just another stupid girl," I turn on the tap, "I've dealt with plenty of them in the past." My words come out like what happened back there just now was no big deal but it was. It was a big deal and the fact that I practically screamed right in the middle of class in front of a bunch teens who are probably thinking I'm crazy is humiliating. If only they knew… Nobody will ever understand me. Heck, I didn't even understand myself.

"Jamie, talk to me," Ronnie said in a soft voice.

I deny, "It's nothing please, Ronnie, can we just leave it?" She sighs and hands me my bag. As we walk out of the bathroom, she wraps an arm around my shoulder and assures, "If you need to talk, I'm here."

I look up at her giving her a small smile of thanks. As soon as we exit the bathroom, I feel a thousand pair of eyes are on me. I stare wide eyed unable of what to do or how to react. Ronnie rubs my shoulder as we walk down the halls.

I hear someone whisper, "Is that the girl?"

"Yeah, it is," I hear someone else confirm.

"She's the one who had a spaz attack in class. Johnny Jacobs told me," I hear a snotty voice leave the mouth of a short brunette girl who is surrounded by her friends. They all glare at me like I'm an alien.

"I can't do this," I whisper. I break away from Ronnie and race for the entrance to the school. As I'm running away, I hear Ronnie call, "Jamie! Wait, please!" I throw the door open and head to my car. I throw the car door open too and slam it shut behind me. Here we go again. I take a deep breath and start the engine wiping my eyes at the same time. I pull out of the car park and head for wherever. This is the escape I always used when times got tough and it always worked…for a while. I don't even know where I am going but I don't care because anywhere is better than school right now. I headed uphill because I saw beautiful scenery ahead which I would sit and gaze at. Taking my mind off everything is harder than I thought. Sometimes, it feels like my mind and I are two different people. My mind is evil and it feed me evil thoughts which I start to believe. Damn, my mind sucks.

**Third Point Of View**

"Lauren," Chris says in an annoyed tone.

"Oh hey babe," She turns to her friends, "I'll see you girls later." Chris pulls his girlfriend by her arm and takes her to the side.

He demands, "What did you say to Jamie, Lauren?"

Lauren sighs mindlessly as she rolls her eyes, "Oh Chris, I get you tryin to be the peacemaker or whatever but I was just warning her. She's trouble."

Chris scoffs, "You don't even know her."

Lauren argues, "I know her well enough to know she's a whore!" Chris looks around and sees the rest of the students glaring at the both of them. He sighs heavily and pulls Lauren by her arm into an empty classroom.

"A little harsh," She rubs her arm once they are in the classroom.

"Lauren, you screwed up and I want you to apologize," Chris commands.

Lauren retorts, "Why should I- why are you even defending her?"

Chris responds, "Because she's my friend!"

"And I'm your girlfriend," Lauren reminds. Chris places his hands on his hips and looks around the classroom. Lauren says, "Chris, do you know embarrassing it is to have people come up to you and tell you that you're boyfriend has been seen with another girl? I can't believe you would even think of trying it on with another gir-." Chris chuckles sarcastically at Laurens' accusations, "What's so funny?"

Chris says loudly, "You! You actually listen to those wet ends," His voice quietens, "Look all she did is drop me off home because when I asked you, you were too busy. I needed to get home quick and I asked her. She did not offer. I asked her." Chris spoke his words like he was trying to get through to a child.

Lauren snaps, "Don't have a go at me Chris! I just care about you and I don't want to lose you! You put everyone else before me and now you even want me to apologize to this skank. You don't even know her."

"Neither do you. Especially to judge her the way you did," Chris shot.

"Chris please-," Lauren pleads and then sees the look Chris gives her. Her bad attitude can now be heard through her voice. She shakes her head and raises her eyebrows and asks, "What if I don't apologize?"

"Then we're done," Chris threatens calmly before leaving the classroom and a very hot headed Lauren Steele whose attention had finally be caught.

**Jamie POV**

Well that was…nice. I'd literally spent six hours sitting on the hood of my car playing The Beatles on my stereo, eating the lunch Grandma had made for me and staring across the lake. I had the urge to dive in and wash away my problems for a while but Grandma would be wondering what had happened if I came home drenched and I had no intention of telling about today's events. I drove home so I would be able to shower before Grandma got home from the shop. At least she wouldn't be worried or suspect anything.

I'm outside sitting on the chair swing. The porch lamp is on which makes it easier to see the words to the book I'm reading. I stop and think for a minute or two. Dinner was lovely. Gran made fish and chips, from fresh potatoes. It's nice at night just to sit at home and talk to Gran and listen to her stories about her childhood or her friends or Grandpa. During the war, she participated a lot in caring for the soldiers. It was there she met my Grandpa who unfortunately died seven years ago. She said he tried to 'court her when she was bandaging him up' after he'd been shot during a battle in Germany. She says 'he was so obvious and blunt in his advances but that's what I love most about him; his unwavering honesty.' I love how my Grandma's eyes light up every single time my Grandpa is mentioned especially now because he isn't here. No matter what she is still so happy to speak about him even though the pain his death brought is deeper than ever. She speaks with love and remember him in life rather than in death. I want that. A love so true, so honest and so real that not even death can do it part. My grandma's bravery and courage reminds of my mothers. I look up at the sky to see all the star gleaming and twinkling. "Miss you mom," I whisper.

I don't hear the footsteps approaching me until a voice asks, "Jamie? Jamie?" My head shoots down from the sky and my eyes meet pierced blue ones.

I say, surprised, "Chris? What are you doing here?" Oh no, he's come to reprimand me about what happened with Lauren.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry," He says. What? Why is he saying sorry? Why?

I ask, "Why are you saying sorry?"

"Because of Lauren. I'm really sorry," He repeats. I motion him to come a sit on the swing which he does. He turns his body to me and I lose myself in his gaze.

I snap back to reality and sigh, "Look, I've humiliated myself enough. I just want to put this behind me and move forward." Lie. Lie. Lie. As if you can mentally move forward from sad city.

Chris explains, "Ronnie told me that you had some sort of….panic attack." I don't look at him and instead my hands suddenly become interesting. That's the last thing I would want anyone to know. He adds, "I just wanted to know the full story. What did Lauren say to you?"

No. Forget it. I'm not doing this anymore. If I want to lead a normal trouble free life I must cut all ties with Chris while he is still with Lauren. I don't want to but I'd do anything to get Cruella De Ville of my back. My self-esteem is already dead and I refuse to let her take the last little bit of hope I have left. And it would benefit Chris. He wouldn't be stuck in middle. It seems he always is. I really am going to regret this but anything to make my life and Chris's life easier works. I sigh, ignoring what he just said, "Chris maybe we shouldn't be talk to each other anymore."

Chris asks, annoyed, "What have I done?"

"It's not about you. Look, your girlfriend obviously has a problem with you and I talking so I suggest you…" No no no don't sound so defensive Jamie. Don't scare him, "I suggest you just go back to her. You've caused me enough problems so just stay away from me." NOOOOOOOOOOO! I instantly regretted every single word as it came out. Did I have to sound so spiteful and horrible?

Chris stands up looks disappointed and….. hurt? He turns back to face me and snaps, making me jump "You know what? I'm so sick and tired of this shit. All I do is try to keep everybody happy! My family, my friends, Lauren. My friends hate Lauren! She can't at least try to make a fuckin effort with them." I'm taken aback by Chris's rant and I try to reason with him. I say 'Chris,' as I try to calm him hoping he would be a little quieter. Man, I didn't expect an outburst but something tells me that Chris Chambers had finally snapped. This isn't just a heat of the moment thing, this outburst has been building up for a long time. "I try to get Lauren to apologize and I stick up for you. I don't even know you that well. She's my girlfriend and I stick up for you?! I try to do the right thing and for what?!" He puts his arms out in front of his motioning towards me, "For this?" I'm speechless. My eyes are wide open and I honestly can feel a huge sob coming through. I want to apologize but I can't even get the words out. I didn't know Chris was under so much pressure. He argued with Lauren for me? Now, I feel like shit. He was rambling on about other things that he obviously had no one to talk to about and I knew that feeling so well. When all the stuff that happened earlier in Fairhaven I promised that I would never ever make someone else feel the way I did. I would never make them feel hurt, lonely or disappointed. Disappointment. Definition? Most horrible feeling in the world. I stand up.

"Chris, I'm… I'm so sorry,"I stammer.

Chris, whose eyes were shining with tears, looked as if he had enough. He wasn't crying but he looked like he was going His hand were on his hips and he says disappointed, "You know what? Me too." Chris shakes his head at me, his facial expression gave off tiredness. Closing his eyes, he walks off down the stairs to his truck. I stand there, frozen. I don't know what to do.

You know what else sucks? When someone puts their faith in you and you fail to deliver. The feeling of the supposed deliverer is ten times as worse as the feeling of the person who installs the faith. Regret is awful feeling. I have never felt so ashamed of myself until now…


End file.
